


Anachronic

by Justmeandmytech, wintermoons



Series: Clockwork [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Pacific Rim (2013), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 10:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justmeandmytech/pseuds/Justmeandmytech, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintermoons/pseuds/wintermoons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one and only time Jarvis witnessed anything other then that sort of aloof indifference was in the hangar, when the pair was standing on one of the upper levels looking out over the railing at the large red monstrosity of a Jaeger. Jarvis had memorized all of the statistics that had been included in his briefing folder, but one thing Tony said from the start made him tune back in.</p><p>“ ‘Iron Jaeger’? I thought it’s designation was ‘Kaiju Buster’.” </p><p>“Yeah, well, it is; officially at least. ‘Iron Jaeger’ is kind of a nickname, something my old man used to say. ‘Stark men are made of iron’, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Blank Sheet of Paper

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Anachronic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1757523) by [Lalaith_Airfree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalaith_Airfree/pseuds/Lalaith_Airfree)



_“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.”_   
_\--Michel de Montaigne_

* * *

 

His breathing came in bursts, echoing in his skull like the report of bullets in the thick, stagnant air around him. The scents of heat and gunpowder mixed along with that of blood and the faint stench of humanity that always hung around these sorts of places. Another man writhed on the ground in front of him, blood dyeing the sand red as it flowed freely from the wound in his leg. A killing shot had gone wild, hitting the upper thigh instead of the chest. No, that would have been too easy--fate didn’t like him that much. It was too close this way; far too close. At least before he’d had some distance, didn’t have to look this man in the face or see the fear of death behind the rage of being shot down by the enemy.

The world seemed to jolt, but it was really only him as the wounded man started shouting in a language that didn’t make any sense. But tone, it seemed, was a universal thing; this man was trying to goad him into finishing the mission. Into killing him.

He shouldn’t be here. He should be back at base on cleaning duty or stripping his weapon for the thousandth time. It shouldn’t be in his hand, hot and heavy in all the wrong ways. Shouldn’t be pointed at the man’s temple. His finger shouldn’t be shifting to a better position on the trigger.

He shouldn’t be firing, the man’s brains shouldn’t be spattering on the ground and hissing as body-warm blood hit sun-warm sand. However the rush of power and adrenaline that surges through him at the sight of it should, and does, make him vomit on the ground several feet away. And he shouldn't be turning back to look at the corpse, the burn of stomach acid acrid on his tongue.

He shouldn't do, but does, all of these things.

He felt the world close up around him as the image of it burned itself into his eyelids.

“Rhodey!”

A kind of snapping, breaking sensation, and the sudden rush of sound was too much, threatened to swallow him up if he didn’t find something to grab onto. The hum of the Jaeger around him instead of desert insects, the AI’s calm voice repeating his failure over and over again replaced angry gibberish. The space inside his helmet (should it be covering his face? yes, it was a helmet of a drive suite, not an army uniform) was too close, lungs grabbing for air that he couldn’t find--

“Alright there, buddy, take a few breaths. You sure know how to cause a racket, don’t you?” Tony’s voice, cutting sharply through the storm of sound and the cold sweat he could feel building under his drive suit.

“Neural bridge out of alignment. Neural bridge out of alignment.”

“Iron Jaeger, come in. You guys alright? Rhodes is still way off--”

“Gee, thanks Phil, I never would’ve guessed.”

Rhodey would’ve laughed at Tony’s usual biting sarcasm if the crash back down to Earth from the drift hadn’t left his brain totally scrambled. But he was back, not on the verge of hyperventilation or a panic attack or anything else that might add further embarrassment to to an already humiliating situation. It was Jaeger Piloting 101 material, a mistake a pilot half his age should be making. He'd chased the RABIT on a routine test drift, for Christ sakes. Not in battle, not on the first try--

“Hey, quit that self deprecating shit and talk to me. You alright?”

Technically Tony should already know the answer, but verbal confirmation never hurt.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” It was muttered, but the answer was enough; out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tony, after a moments consideration of him, nod and reach up once more for the center console.

“Alright, LOCCENT, why don’t we call it a day?”

The pitch of the Jaeger-brand white noise around them rapidly descended and faded into nothing as Kaiju Buster shut down. Rhodey felt his stomach dropping with it until it hovered somewhere near his ankles.

"Drift terminated. Would you like to try again?"

He’d honestly always hated that AI.

* * *

 

6 MONTHS LATER -- ASTORIA, OREGON SHATTERDOME

The buzz of activity in the large hangar was just a dull background noise compared to the high pitched vocals of Bon Scott blasting through his headphones. Tony managed to register the shrill beeping of a utility vehicle just in time to move out of it’s path; the collision would’ve slowed him down. But maybe that wouldn’t really be such a horrible thing--he wasn’t exactly eagerly skipping off to this meeting. Sure, Marshal Fury had sounded pleased when he’d gotten the call but that didn’t mean Tony shared the feeling. He was being assigned a yet another copilot, so? Big fucking deal, the guy sounded like he’d put Tony to sleep in record breaking time. Even the photo he’d received in the briefing packet several days ago had just screamed ‘I have a stick up my ass, please hate me’.

“I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will/ 'Cause I shoot to thrill, and I'm ready to kill/ And I can't get enough, and I can't get my thrill--”

As he punched in the key to the door on the other side of the hangar, exiting into a much quieter section of the base, the guitar solo kicked in. Tony didn’t spare a glance back to Iron Jaeger, the red giant of a machine standing as it always did, straight-backed and imposing through the flood of activity around it. Had to be prepared to meet it’s new second pilot, after all; shined and oiled and fine tuned until it would impress even the most staunch men. A new coat of paint and a list of standard protocols to run that was at least three miles long. Seemed even Iron wouldn’t be allowed to relax today. Poor guy had to be on his best behavior for the amnesiatic freak.

Tony frowned doubtfully at the door to Marshal Fury’s office--he could still turn around. Just go right on back the way he’d come, head up to LOCCENT to grab a drink with Phil and Rhodey, or down to R&D to see what those pair of oddballs were up to. Tony could avoid this meeting altogether; the reaming out he’d get from Fury might not even be so--no, the gains outweighed the losses. With a feeling of grave sacrifice Tony raised his hand and pounded a fist against the thick metal door, swiping his headphones to hang out his neck just in time to hear Fury’s permission to enter.

Opening the door he stepped up and into the room, eyes immediately drawn to the new person occupying the relatively small space. Yep, total tightwad. The guy was wearing a waistcoat for christ sakes. Made Tony feel underdressed in his standard issue t-shirt and jeans.

“Glad to see you could make it, Ranger.” Nick’s tone spoke of reproach; in the one-eyed man’s brain Tony should’ve been here two hours early in full military dress. Whatever; he was lucky Tony’d shown up at all.

“Sorry, got lost on the way. What can you do?” Tony’s shrug was enough to make Fury frown before he turned to the man just off center, ignoring Tony completely.

“Edwin Jarvis, this is Anthony Stark. If everything goes right with this little brainchild of ours, you two will be piloting Kaiju Buster together.” To damn pleased, Fury sounded way too damn pleased for Tony’s liking.

“Pleased to meet you, Sir.” the tall, blonde haired blue eyed British (British? Tony almost laughed; this guy couldn’t get any more stereotypically butler if he offered him tea) man off to the left turned to Tony, offering his hand for a polite shake. And ‘Sir’? Really? What the hell was with that? They were both Rangers, equal rank as far as Tony was concerned--even if this Jarvis character was almost half his age. Oh jesus, was this guy naturally that formal? How the hell did the guys in Psych think they’d be drift compatible?

“Yeah, you too.” If Tony had a choice he’d have left it at that, but he didn’t want to seem like a total jackass. Bringing his hand out of his jeans pocket Tony shook the one offered, “And it’s Tony, not Anthony.”

“Isn’t that just lovely? Good to see you two kids getting along so well.” the sarcasm in Fury’s voice was like a spear aimed straight for Tony, “Jarvis, no doubt you want to rest; the trip from the LA dome can’t have been easy. We’re a bit behind on Kaiju Buster’s tune up, so you’ve got some time to play with.”

“Yes, thank you Marshal. I would appreciate some time to become better acquainted with the facilities here.” It was then that he turned to Tony, “I hope we have to chance to become better acquainted as well, Sir. I would rather like to know more about my new copilot.”

“Yeah, sure…” It was half assed at best as Tony watched the blonde kid leave the room, knowing from the look on Fury’s face he was supposed to stay behind and get chewed out for how much of a dick he was being.

“What the hell was that, Ranger?” Ah, right on time. “You’re not even going to try to make this easy for me, are you?”

“Of course not, sir.” he harped back with feigned enthusiasm, “If I did that you’d get bored, sir.”

“You could learn to take a page from his book; he’s respectful, for one.” Nick’s tone was clearly displeased as he took to pacing back and forth behind his desk but turned to face the man as he saw Tony unabashedly roll his eyes, “I don’t have time to put up with your attitude, Ranger. He’s been matched with you, better than anyone else we’ve tried. So you’re going to suck it up and get along with him if it kills you.”

“Excuse me, are you high? Because, no offense to Mister-Prissy-Pants back there, we couldn’t be any more different. So it looks to me like you’re just pulling pilots out of your ass because you need me to fight, but--”

Nick’s sudden step forward, out from behind the desk, was enough to startle the Stark family heir into silence. His expression had gone from mildly annoyed to a stony lividity; clearly it was time for Tony to cut the crap. But he stood his ground as the taller man stepped into his space and glared one-eyed down at him, voice leaving not one centimeter for any objections.

“Let me clarify this for you, Stark. Edwin Jarvis was algorithmically matched with you out of a pool of approved pilots, a very large pool. His score on the simulator is almost equal to your’s. He can fight with you, or replace you. You decide.” His tone suggested a clear ultimatum, one that Tony had no option but to chose between.

It was no choice, not really--something that both Tony and the Marshal knew very well. It was either a place in this fight against the end of the world or to be thrown out onto the streets, defenseless just like all the other civilians whenever the next Kaiju hit. If Tony were honest the idea of it was just a bit frightening.

It was at this trepidation that Tony swallowed down his considerable pride and simply nodded, not allowing himself a sigh of relief as Fury stepped out of his space and back behind the desk.

“Good. The work on Kaiju Buster should be finished by sometime tomorrow. I the meantime, why don’t you track down your new copilot and show him around the Dome?” This wasn’t a choice either; an order phrased as a suggestion that Tony could hear loud and clear.

“Sounds great. I’m sure he and I will be making each other friendship bracelets and holding hands by the end of the week.” Tony’s returning smile was tight around the edges.

“Perfect, I’m looking forward to it.” The pure snark in the commanding officer’s voice was a force to be reckoned with, “Dismissed, Mr. Stark.”

The Ranger was almost as eager to leave the room as he had been unwilling to enter it.

It was only a half hour later, as Jarvis was unpacking his bags and putting away his things, that the knock came on his door. It was soft, as if the knocker didn’t have any desire to be heard, but in the quiet emptiness of his bunk room the young man heard the sound loud and clear. Putting down the pair of slacks he’d been in the process of folding Jarvis opened the door just in time to catch the back of Tony Stark as the man was about to turn and leave. But the opening of the door along with Jarvis’ voice stopped him.

“Was there something you needed, Sir?” he asked, standing at the threshold with one hand on the heavy metal of the room.

“Oh, uh, no….Hey, why don’t I give you a tour? Y’know, show you around the Shatterdome a little?” the phrasing was awkward, the tone genial and casual in a forced manner, but it seemed that Anthony Stark was at least trying to extend the olive branch of friendship.

“Yes, I think I would enjoy that.” Jarvis replied, stepping beyond the threshold of his room and out into the hallway, turning to close the door behind him, “Shall we go?”

But as they walked through the long identical hallways, the mess hall, the main hangar and many of the other rooms that Jarvis did not recognize one thing became clear: Mr. Stark had been ordered to do this. He made it clear enough in his short and offhanded descriptions of the room, his lackluster introductions of Jarvis to others and the way he seemed to hurry them along at every possible moment. His future copilot was eager to get this experience over with. But where one might be offended Jarvis was simply confused; he had been nothing but cordial to Mr. Stark, friendly even. So why the cold shoulder?

The one and only time Jarvis witnessed anything other then that sort of aloof indifference was in the hangar, when the pair was standing on one of the upper levels looking out over the railing at the large red monstrosity of a Jaeger. Jarvis had memorized all of the statistics that had been included in his briefing folder, but one thing Tony said from the start made him tune back in.

“ ‘Iron Jaeger’? I thought it’s designation was ‘Kaiju Buster’.” he asked with a quirk of a brow, acutely recalling that the later name was the one that had been in the records he’d received.  
“Yeah, well, it is; officially at least. ‘Iron Jaeger’ is kind of a nickname, something my old man used to say. ‘Stark men are made of iron’, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. Makes me wonder why he was so for that stupid wall project.”

And that was the extent of it, the only thing Jarvis ever got out of Tony that wasn’t as bare-bones an answer to any question he asked, before the pair was quickly moving on out of the hangar and on with the tour.

They made their way through countless more corridors and into the elevator, a bland and economically lit thing, which descending until Jarvis thought they must have gone straight to the bowels of the base. He could not remember a time that riding in an elevator had been so awkward. Well, he couldn’t remember many elevator rides, so his base for comparison was rather small, but this was certainly the most awkward of those few. In any case, the lift slowed to a stop at their destination and the doors spread open.

Immediately, there was a change in atmosphere. What had been cold and militaristically blank walls and concrete floors was now filled with bookshelves, whiteboards, and various computer displays. A seemingly haphazard collection of rugs covered the floor; most old and Persian in nature--thing salvaged from the trash. One side of the room was lined wall-to-wall with various jars and tubs of small specimens that must have been bits of Kaiju. There were a few large glass tubes filled with floating bits of preserved viscera on a shelf that reached high above the pilots’ heads, interspersed with various large texts. The rest of the room was divided neatly between books and computers, work tables, a slightly tilted punching bag, and a heaping, fresh pile of Kaiju innards. Jarvis took in the whole of the room which, when coupled with the soothing tones of classical music, stood in sharp contrast to the orderly atmosphere of the rest of the base.

A young man, who looked to be about the same age as Jarvis himself, was practically kneeling in the entrails when they entered. He wore his long blonde hair in a bun as well as a leather apron to protect himself from the gore. That didn’t stop him from tearing an intestine out of the pile with his bare hands though, which he did swiftly as the two pilots entered. When he noticed their arrival he sat back on his haunches and wiped his brow, spreading an unknown ooze that Jarvis decided was best to not wonder about across his forehead.

“Well, if it isn’t Stark himself!” the man said good naturedly, “What glorious occasion has made you see fit to grace us mere commoners with your presence?”

Beside him Tony made a noise much like a disgruntled animal and ignored the comment. It was then that the man stood, revealing his impressive height as he did so, and picked his way carefully through the field of Kaiju remains surrounding his immediate area. He managed it without incident however and, thankfully, swiped a clean rag from a nearby work table and removed the apron before getting to close. Hands now acceptably clean of Kaiju fluids he held one out and gave Jarvis’ a hearty shake in greeting.

“You’ll learn to ignore him soon enough, Mr. Jarvis. I’m Doctor Thor Odinson--” the man began, his voice a deep and rich baritone that matched his size before Tony interrupted.

“Yep, one of our two intrepid K-Science nerds--the little one is around here somewhere.” a dismissive wave was turned in the general direction of the room before Tony focused on the handshake the two were exchanging, “Hey, would you look at that! Looks like you two will be fast friends, guess I’d better run before I become that awkward third wheel. I’m very happy for you two, congratulations!”

And just like that Tony was out the door and long gone, leaving Jarvis bewildered and slightly offended in his wake. Was Tony really so against this that he would dump him in the care of a basic stranger? Was the idea of drifting and fighting the Kaiju threat along side him really so detestable?

“As I said before,” Dr. Odinson continued with a chuckle, “He takes some getting used to. And as for my colleague...” It was then that the Kaiju scientist turned to survey the room, “Bruce, someone has come to say hello!”

“Let me guess, Stark abandoned him?” a smaller voice spoke from somewhere among the work tables, desks, and books, it’s source showing itself as a wheeled desk chair rolled into view.

“Yes, unfortunately for our new friend here it seems so.” the taller blonde K-Scientist replied with a nod, gesturing to his colleague, “Mr. Jarvis, this is Doctor Bruce Banner. Bruce, if all goes well this is Kaiju Buster’s second pilot, Edwin Jarvis.”

It was only at that moment that Jarvis realized many people seemed to know his name without him having to make the introductions; apparently news of him had long preceded his arrival. Everyone seemed to cast the same appraising glance when they first laid eyes on him, as if comparing their mental composition to the real life version. So far it seemed he hadn’t hugely disappointed anyone...save for Mr. Stark, of course. He really would have to figure that out.

“Really, don’t worry about it too much,” the curly haired, bespectacled scientist assured him; apparently Jarvis’ face had changed to match his train of thought, “He does that to everyone, even us. And we’ve known him for years by now.”

“That does not exactly sound promising when it comes to drifting.” the man admitted, the connection had been begging to be made since he first met Anthony Stark several hours ago.

“You can’t worry about that either, my friend.” Thor replied with a pat to the back that he surely thought was gentle but had Jarvis stumbling slightly with his upset balance, “There’s not much anyone can do to change a man like Tony Stark, it was why there’s not many who are really drift compatible.”

“Yes, that much I managed to gather. He does seem rather...” Jarvis replied with a sigh trailing off when words failed him.

“Infuriating?” asked Dr. Banner, a slightly smile on his face.

“Impudent?” Thor now, chiming in with his own suggestion.

“Self-Centered!” Dr. Banner once more, finger in the air as if he’d found the perfect descriptive word.

“I was simply going to say ‘challenging’, but I suppose the pair of you would know him better than I would.” Jarvis said with a chuckle, turning to Thor as the blonde man slung an arm around his shoulders.

“Let me put it this way for you; there is a little saying around the PPDC; ‘The only thing Tony Stark can drift with is himself or a blank sheet of paper’.” The phrase succeeded in giving him some context for his place in all of this.

“So I’m your ‘blank sheet of paper’.” he said with some confidence, which was only proven correct when Thor nodded.

“Yes, exactly!” With that the scientist gave another careful wipe of his hands before turning to Bruce, “So this blank sheet of paper and I are going to get coffee, do you want to come along?”

“No, I’d better not--someone has to make sure one of these don’t crawl away while you’re gone.” With a hand Bruce gestured to one of the specimens floating in a yellowish liquid, which twitched helpfully.

The blonde scientist gave the bit of kaiju spleen an almost brotherly gaze before taking Jarvis by the sleeve and leading him back to the elevator. Now, it wasn’t common for anyone to leave the Shatterdome for personal reasons, mostly because they always had to be prepared for the next attack. As a result, the people of the base eventually converted one of the unneeded floors into a recreation area. The mess hall was there, of course, but a basketball court had sprung up one day when a particularly homesick engineer had found an extra bottle of red spray paint. A few tables for playing chess grew in the next couple of weeks, and someone set up almost a dozen coffee machines. It impressed the new pilot, how strong the urge to create something normal in this outrageous time was for these people. The feeling of impending doom was alleviated slightly when one was watching a group of young men play games.

Dr. Odinson made amiable chit-chat along the way, pointing out the little things in the base that Tony either hadn’t known about or hadn’t cared enough to share. A kind gesture to be sure, but Jarvis’s thoughts kept drifting back to “blank paper” comment. It wasn’t the strangest phrase to use, but it’s accuracy struck home. If Thor noticed the newcomer slipping into silence more and more often, he said nothing. Though, once they had their coffee and were sitting a comfortable distance from any curious passers-by it was an entirely different story.

“So, what do you think of the place so far?” Thor asked, leaning forward on the table eagerly, “It’s not the most comfortable, but you get used to it.”

Jarvis smiled genuinely, “I think it’s quite exciting, and everyone seems very welcoming. Quite the change from the life of a paper pusher.”

The scientist’s chuckle rumbled across the table, “Ah, yes, the woes of being an intern. What made you decide to become a pilot?”

Here Jarvis paused, his grip on the paper cup tightening the tiniest amount, “I’ve actually wanted to from the beginning. I originally enlisted as a candidate for the program, but It wasn’t until recently that I was approved.”

“Well, tell me something I don’t know.” Thor teased, “I meant, what made you want to pilot Jaegers? Why not fighter jets or tanks?”

“Wait; how could you have known that?” he responded, his curiosity getting the better of him. The way Thor and Bruce had looked at him, the way people had been treating him, it felt like they were trying to match him to a mold and seemed satisfied. It was like he met some sort of expectation, and it was starting to make him uncomfortable.

“I read your file. I like to keep tabs on the pilots and their ‘issues’ just like every other clearance-justified person in this base.” he admitted nonchalantly.

“My file?” Of course his file was being passed around like a hot potato. People talked, that’s just what they did. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to him that everyone knew everything there was to know about him before he even set foot in the place. Well, they knew every documentable thing there was to know. Still, it was a daunting feeling, that everyone knew the intimate details of your medical and personal history. The new pilot fell into silence, occupied by his thoughts, while Thor took a few awkward sips of his coffee.

“So,” the other man finally muttered, trying to break the mood that had descended on the pair, “Retrograde amnesia, right?”

“Of a sort.” Jarvis said, being purposefully vague--his extensive memory loss, his newly christened status as a ‘blank sheet’, wasn’t exactly something he was eager to discuss with anyone, let alone a man whom he had ultimately just met.

It was then that he noted the purple and yellow splotches on the skin of Thor’s arm, a swath of bruises that showed themselves when he reached again for his cup and his shirtsleeve rode up just so.

“What about those?” he asked with a dip of his head towards his table mates arm, thus prompting Thor to turn his gaze as well, “Side effects of working with kaiju, I’d imagine?”

“Of a sort.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give feedback! Comments are appreciated. This was written for Brilcrist's Pacific Rim AU contest. We hope you stick around for the rest.  
> For questions, comments, etc. the authors' tumblrs are  
> -[wintermoons](http://wintermoons.tumblr.com/)  
> -[libertybell](http://libertybell.tumblr.com/)


	2. Of Post-Its and Pilots

_“Usually the hardest task in accomplishing something difficult is starting it.”_

_\- - Shahzad Karachiwala_

* * *

 

 

“How’s it going, Kaiju Buster?” Junior LOCCENT Officer James Rhodes spoke into the microphone in front of him, hot cup of coffee sitting on the desk and voice relaying straight into the cockpit of the Jaeger.

“ _As smoothly as it can, Rhodey.  Have you ever even put this kid in a drive suit before?_ ” Tony’s voice was obviously skeptical as it came from the speakers.

“Of course we have. It fits him, doesn’t it?” Or at least it should, unless the new pilot had miraculously gained or lost around twenty pounds in several days.

There was a muted conversation from Tony’s side of the line, to which the older pilot let out a snort.

“ _Loki says it could fit better.  You should’ve let him do it the first time._ ” The competence of that particular Suit Tech was widely talked about, maybe they should have left it to Loki in the first place

But still, Rhodey only rolled his eyes and turned to Phil who sat beside him.  The head officer shrugged; everything appeared to fit right from their side.  Even still, Tony’s suit was set and ready to go, while Jarvis’s was somehow still lagging behind.

“Second Pilot, is everything alright with your suit?” Rhodey spoke once more into the microphone, addressing Jarvis this time.

“ _Yes, sir.  I’ve been instructed to tell you that Mr. Loki has made putting it on into an unnecessary competition and that you should not use his speed as a measure of your own._ ”

Beside him, Phil chuckled.  It was a nice break from the tense atmosphere.  Most of LOCCENT believed today would be successful, but that didn’t do much to lighten the mood.  If they weren’t right in believing that then, well, they’d be short a pair of pilots and that didn’t exactly bode well for the fate of humanity.  The general consensus seemed to be that if Stark couldn’t drift with an amnesiac, he couldn’t drift with anyone.  What that meant for the Kaiju Buster was unclear, but Stark certainly wouldn’t be piloting again.  On the other hand, Jarvis might be able to drift with someone else but at the end of the day he was still just a rookie pilot. Without someone as skilled as Tony fighting, it’d be a big step back for humans.

With a sigh and pursed lips Rhodey pressed a button on the console that would relay his voice into Tony’s helmet only, and spoke quietly into the mic.

“Listen, Tony--I don’t need to be in your head to tell you don’t like this guy. Whatever, I don’t really care if your best friends or not. But...at least give this thing a chance, alright? Without Buster we’re down to two teams and--” But he lecture never really came to a close as Tony cut him off.

“ _Yeah, yeah, I get it. Let’s just do this alright._ ” Which might as well just be Stark-speak for ‘you’re right and i’ll do what you said’. With that knowledge in mind Rhodey leaned back with a smile before slipping into business mode. They did have a first drift to initiate after all.

The door opened behind Rhodey before Marshal Fury appeared at Phil’s side, the Chief officer choosing to get down to business instead of turning to acknowledge the man.

“Alright, guys, make us proud.” Phil said into his microphone before pressing the appropriate buttons to turn the whole thing over to Rhodey, giving the Junior Officer a nod.

“Initiating neural handshake in 20 seconds.” He watched as numbers appeared on the screen before him as the routine protocols engaged, listening in and Tony’s voice came over the intercom, but this time he was speaking to Jarvis.

“ _Remember kid, don’t chase the RABIT. Drift’s like a storm; let it pass over you and everything will be just fine._ ” some sage advice from a veteran pilot, no doubt. At least it was a step in the right direction for the both of them.

“ _There’s nothing here for me to chase, Sir. Everything belongs to you._ ” And that was exactly the reason the PPDC had picked Jarvis in the first place.

“10..9..8...” As the number grew smaller and smaller on the screen, the atmosphere in the office grew more and more tense, the gravity of the situation finally falling on all of them. It was extended to the small group of fellow pilots and staff standing in the hangar as well; Rhodey could see the distinct red hair of Natasha Romanov from his seat.

This was the biggest event to hit the Oregon Shatterdome in nearly a year, and everyone knew it.

“3...2...1...NEURAL INTERFACE DRIFT INITIATED”

The words appeared large on the holographic screen before them, all of their gazes turning to Kaiju Buster as the Jaeger came to life under the minds of it’s two pilots. The reactor in it’s chest glowed a bright blue light, which flickered before stabilizing as the Jaeger raised up one fist and then another. Rhodey smiled before standing, reaching in to manipulate the hologram of Kaiju Buster that appeared before him.

“Left and right hemispheres are fully calibrated and drift levels are stabilizing, Sir.” Rhodey relayed the information from his screen to the Marshal, the severe man actually looking rather pleased to hear it.

But Phil was frowning as he watched the numbers on the screen slowly grind to a halt, “They’re hovering right above 90 percent alignment--not really what we’d hoped for.”

“I’ll take it with all the evading I’m sure Stark is doing.” the Marshal was probably correct; Rhodey was certain Tony was mentally scrambling to keep certain memories from his newest copilot; if he wasn’t careful the pair would slowly drift more and more out of eachothers headspace.

He then turned back to his microphone and addressed the pilots once more, “Looking good guys, just a few quick stabilization tests and we’ll have ourselves a successful first drift. Everyone feeling okay in there?”

“ _Yes, Sir--it is much less jarring than I expected._ ” Jarivs sounded surprised; he’d probably been expecting a lot more push-back from Tony.

“ _Hey, I can be professional you know._ ” And Tony just sounded offended; clearly that assumption was correct and the thought had gotten through.

“ _Of course, Sir--I never said you couldn’t._ ” Jarvis was quick to pacify the older man, something that made the atmosphere in the room ease a bit; their banter was an even better sign.

 

And just like that it was over; ten minutes later the big moment, the one they’d spent countless weeks preparing for and worrying over, had passed with nary a hiccup. Kaiju Buster was shutting down once more and the small crowd that had gathered in the hanger applauded as both pilots emerged from the cockpit and stepped off the open lift that lowered them to the platform. Later on people would say that Tony looked a somewhat harsh mixture of smug and slightly disappointed, as if he had known the drift would go well all along and had simultaneously been hoping it wouldn’t. Jarvis just looked vaguely dazed, still managing a smile to those who patted him on the back in congratulations of a very successful first drift.

Other people would say that Tony was acting like a complete ass. These people were the pilot pair of Helldiver Orion, Steve Rogers and James “Bucky” Barnes--the tall blond man more so than his shorter cousin. The pair emerged from the crowd of impressed onlookers, Rogers very clearly less than impressed, his gaze directing that feeling straight towards Tony. Bucky only looked like he was humoring his copilot and his stricter ways.

“You call that a performance, Stark? Quit looking so smug, you barely kept it above 90.” Steve was clearly ready for a conflict of some kind, more than ready to instigate one.

“Woah, woah, hold up there golden boy, how do you know it was my fault?” the older pilot was defensive, managing to look intimidating despite their marked height difference.

“Because _you_ know what you’re doing; meanwhile your copilot has never drifted before today but from what I heard he did much better than some half-assed 90 in simulations. So that only leaves one person to blame; you, and whatever stupid grudge you’ve been broadcasting since you met the guy.” Though his words must have been grating to Tony’s ego, they held some measure of truth in them.  The drift was barely in the acceptable range and there was no way Jarvis’s memories could have affected the link.  

“Why don’t you let him speak for himself, huh? Quit putting words in his mouth.” Tony huffed, crossing his arms in a guarding gesture.  No way the pride and joy of the PPDC was going to step all over his toes, just because he thought he was better.

“Oh, so now you want to defend him? When you’ve been doing nothing but refusing to even give him the time of day?” Steve countered.

“Sorry about my cousin, Steve can get a little hot headed when he’s around Stark.” Salvation came in the form of Bucky Barnes, leather jacket creaking as he put a genial arm around Jarvis’ shoulders. The arguing pilots had the good sense to appear somewhat ashamed of their actions, Steve clearly more so than Tony.  He gave the new pilot an apologetic look and stepped back from Tony.  For his part Stark’s unimpressed expression did not change much, but he did glance at his copilot as though suddenly coming to the realization that his opinion of him actually mattered.

But as quick as it had come that moment passed and Tony nearly stormed out of the hangar, muttering something about ‘getting this damn drive suit off’. Jarvis sighed slightly as he watched him go, before turning to the two before him.

“Sorry about Stark Junior too, you did really well for your first official drift.” Bucky congratulated him with a pat on the back, which Steve was quick to pick up in order to not make himself seem the raging tyrant as he might have moments before.

“Yeah, but don’t expect Mr. Ego to admit that. Great job kid, especially up against the tiny tyrant.” as the crowds dispersed slightly, the spectacle of the drift fading, Clint made his way through them and to where the small gathering of pilot had popped up, Natasha trailing behind him.

“Thank you; it wasn’t so very difficult.” Jarvis was quick to try and downplay their compliments; it really wasn’t as impressive as they were all making it out to be.

“In any case, it’s nice to finally meet somebody I’ve heard so much about. Names Clint Barton and this is my copilot Natasha Romanov. Ours’ is that big dark one down the end; Nomad Eden.” Clint pointed to the sleek black Jaeger down towards the end of the hangar, “Tiny girl but hell of a punch on her if I do say so myself.”

“And I’ve heard much about you, sir.  Nine confirmed kills is an impressive resume.” he politely responded, smiling  genuinely for the first time since he woke up that morning.

Clint looked slightly confused, “How’d you remember that? I thought you were one of those forgetful types?”

The pilots face must have betrayed his shock because Clint immediately began to backpedal, entirely missing the ginger Russian’s scolding look as well as Bucky’s rapscallion grin.

“Oh shit, man, I’m sorry.  I was trying to be funny! Crap, I didn’t think that through.”  He groaned, practically hiding his face in shame.

“It’s alright, really.” Jarvis said, mouth turning up in a smile that was really more of a grimace, “Though I fail to see how having no memories is a comedic situation.”

“It’s not, really, I just- It was poor taste, I didn’t really think before I said it.” He started to apologize again, and might have continued on for the better part of an hour, had Natasha not stopped him.

“He does that a lot.” she cut in, “Not thinking things through.”

“No, I meant it, it really is alright.” Jarvis echoed, his smile becoming much larger and genuine, “I don’t mind at all.  I was joking, sir, I wasn’t offended.”

The group watched Jarvis for a moment, slightly surprised if they had to be honest.  To them the man had appeared and had been expected to be humourless, given that he had suffered a tragic event that left him with such a severe case of amnesia.  It wasn’t the ideal situation for having a good sense of humor.  But apparently humans were much more resilient than even other humans gave them credit for. After a moment the tension was broken as Natasha chuckled, a sentiment that was picked up quickly by the rest of the group.

* * *

 

As far as Tony could tell from a few days watching was that a day in the life of Mr. Prissy-Pants Edwin Jarvis went something like this: wake up at 6:30 AM and insist on waking Tony up as well by slamming his door (seriously, who the fuck even thought about waking up that early?). Then he’d walk down and take the most boring, silent shower Tony had ever not-heard anyone take, before paddling back to his room and, slamming the door once again, and proceeding to get dressed. Well, by then Tony was up and there was no point in even trying to go back to sleep since his across-the-hallmate had no sense of proper neighborly etiquette.

At exactly 7:30 AM on the dot his copilot (the phrase made Tony scrunch his nose in disgust) would exit his room and walk down to the mess hall to eat the most boring meal Tony had ever seen a man eat. He’d actually followed him the first day, sat at an adjacent table with Clint and Natasha just to watch him. And, as he watched, Jarvis ate slowly and methodically, not one single food touching it’s neighbor. It was sickening.  He might as well organize them by color or texture or fat content for Christ’ sakes. Of course, of fucking course, the one thing his copilot ‘indulged’ himself in was a cup of tea. Tea. How much more British could he get? He didn’t even put any brandy in it like Tony might have; just two deathly boring spoonfuls of sugar and not enough milk to do anything more than change the shade of brown..

After his stupid cup of smarmy British tea was finished it was by then 8:15 or so, at which time Jarvis would simply wander around for a few hours. No headphones on his head, no book or newspaper in hand. Just wander around, completely silent, taking it all in. No stopping to play chess with Natasha or catch with Bucky, heavens no--that much fun might kill him. Tony had followed him then as well, just once, the first time he’d caught him meandering. Call it masochistic of him, call it a kind of detached curiosity; hell if Tony knew why. But if he’d been hoping to see the guy do anything other than mentally map the place out he was sorely disappointed.

He was back from his wanderings around 11 o’clock or so, by which time Tony was normally just getting into the shower and heading down to the mess hall to catch the end of breakfast like a normal, respectable person should. He had better things to do, afterall, than waking up at the crack of dawn to wander around like a goddamn ghost. And, every single day, Jarvis had the gall to wish him a ‘good morning, Sir’ every time they passed in that stupidly proper accent. As if Tony was actually going to do more than vaguely grunt back.

By the time he was leaving breakfast, he’d pass Jarvis on his way to lunch. Who actually ate precisely at noon?  Boring people, apparently. Tony did try to follow him after lunch once, but only managed to get to the elevator before deciding it was hard to discreetly follow someone while being in the same 4 foot by 6 foot space. Even still, Tony did catch which floor Jarvis got off on; apparently he and the pair down in the K-Science wing really had hit it off.  Well, good for them.  The more time he spent down there, the less time he spent ruining Tony’s day by virtue of existing.

After a few hours of whatever the hell they did down there, the pilots met each other in the hangar to suit up for that days round of tests.

They didn’t talk any more than they had too.  Correction, Tony didn’t talk any more than he could discreetly avoid.  He joked with Loki as the tech hovered around him, he paid closer than usual attention to what Phil was doing--basically anything he could do to ignore his copilot.  Not that it mattered, they’d be inside each others heads much sooner than Tony would like-- he hated the feeling of having someone else knocking around in there.  It wasn’t as if he had a choice in the matter, and trying to keep memories from Jarvis was only going to lower their drift rate.

That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.

Tony lost track of the kid for much of the afternoon after lunch to the hustle and bustle of the Shatterdome, not that he was keeping tabs or anything. He’d play with Dummy for a while, have the puppy fetch him snacks, play basketball with Bucky; Tony didn’t have enough time to worry about what Edwin Jarvis was doing with his day. He didn’t really see him again until that night, when Jarvis was walking back from yet another shower; who the hell showered twice a day? Could the kid really not find a pair of sweatpants his size? Maybe they were with the shirt he refused to wear, or the towel he refused to actually dry his hair with. What good did it to draped around his shoulders like that?  Well he certainly had a working toothbrush, as anal retentive as Jarvis seemed to be about keeping his perfect teeth in perfect condition. Maybe they could blind the Kaiju with them and win the war that way. Tony often went to bed in a huff after that, seeking solace in his classic rock music.

But apparently even that was too much fun for Ranger Tightass, not even half an hour would go by before Tony would hear a knock with only a yellow post-it note to greet him. He’d taken to crossing out the original message and putting his response underneath:

‘ ~~If at all possible could you please turn the music down? I’m trying to sleep.~~

When pigs fly out of my ass.’

 

‘ ~~Please turn your music down. Sleeplessness will affect our drift percentages.~~

So does being a breathing log.’

 

‘Y ~~ou’re being extremely childish. I hate AC/DC.~~

We’re not drift compatible anymore, sorry.’

 

‘ ~~Simply because I don’t share your taste in music? You are twice my age, aren’t you? Turn it down.~~

Shut up, you whippersnapper, I can’t hear you over my music.  Lemme turn up my hearing aid.’

 

Finally a janitor had to come by and throw the passive aggressive mosaic of paper away. Evidently some in the Shatterdome thought it was getting a little absurd.

 

Despite the squabbling via paper, Friday came, and with it slightly better than normal test results. They’d almost reaching a 95 percent drift rate, but the suits down in LOCCENT were still hoping for better.  Tony was sure they blamed him, all except Rhodey, but he didn’t give a rat’s ass.  There were just some things that stick in the mud didn’t need to know; who could blame him for not trusting the guy? (Well, if he really gave it some thought maybe “trust” wasn’t the issue.  It might have been more like his own ego getting in his way, but that wasn’t something Tony Stark was planning on changing anytime soon.)

Sticking to his guns with the silent treatment, Tony said nothing to Jarvis after they finished testing.  In fact, he made it all the way to his seat in the mess hall without a word.  Even if he acted like a prick most of the time, Tony wasn’t one to ruin a meal by being too much of a jerk while there was food in front of him.  In fact, he was in the habit of eating with the other pilots at dinner; food proving a good enough distraction from his making sarcastic comments for the others to tolerate him.  This night was no exception aside from the newest member across the table from Bucky.  Jarvis had eaten by himself for the first several nights, but Steve had insisted they go out of their way to welcome their newest comrade in arms.  For the past several nights Tony had been conveniently too busy working with the engineers on some upgrades for Kaiju Buster to join them. He had no such excuses tonight.

“Look, I’m not saying it’s a good idea, I’m just saying it’s not completely terrible.”  Clint was in the middle of saying as Tony took his seat with his food.  Jarvis was only a few seats away, but as he sat Tony refused to even acknowledge him.

For his part Steve wore the look of concerned father well, not a look he wore rarely, “In what universe could that even be considered not a bad idea?  The Marshal would kill you.”

“Only if he caught me.  Right, Stark?”  he nudged Tony, “You’d help me, right?”

“Help you with what? Suicide?  I’m already on Patchy’s shit list, I don’t need to piss him off anymore.” Tony huffed, shoveling a bunch of peas into his mouth.  “But I’m all for it.  What have you got planned?”

Jarvis watched Tony interact with everyone, silently seething and doing his very best to keep quiet. He might not remember much of the Kaiju attacks, but his memory did begin with one. Fire and blood, abandoned streets and car alarms ringing out with no one to turn them off. And here they all were, the people specially chosen to fight the Kaiju threat, laughing and contemplating playing a prank on the man whose job it was to run the entire resistance effort. Week after week, attack after attack people were dying, people like the one he had been were getting hurt. And they were spending time playing pranks when they could be training, getting stronger, searching for ways to end this bloody war.

Jarvis suddenly found he lost his appetite.

Tony watched as the blonde Englishmen quietly excused himself from the table with a mutter of something about not feeling well before getting up and leaving altogether. At first Tony merely brushed his actions off as being too stuck up to actually laugh at anything, but something really rubbed him the wrong way about the whole situation.  He had no reason he could place, but nevertheless was pissed off at everything for the rest of his meal. As he stomped back to his room he passed Jarvis’s open doorway (open? The kid had never left his door open before) and saw him angrily sitting at his desk.  The anger was obvious, the blonde usually so much of a brick wall that any emotion was like a bright splash of paint across the usually drab grey surface. Tony slammed his door shut in response, a childish move to he sure, and decided he didn’t need a reason to be angry.  It had nothing to do with him after all, it had to be the newbie’s fault.  Ghost drifting? Was that what Bruce had called it?  Must be, he would remember a stupid name like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, feel free to give feedback! Comments are appreciated. This was written for Brilcrist's Pacific Rim AU contest. We hope you stick around for the rest.  
> For questions, comments, etc. the authors' tumblrs are  
> -[wintermoons](http://wintermoons.tumblr.com/)  
> -[libertybell](http://libertybell.tumblr.com/)


	3. Headless and Heartless

_"We shall heal our wounds, collect our dead and continue fighting."_

_\-- Mao Zedong_

* * *

 

 

 _“When you first got here, you asked me about my bruises.  The answer I gave you is only half true.”_  

_Jarvis had stopped his curious exploration of the bookcases and turned to study the rugged biologist.  It had been one of his routine daily visits to the Kaiju Studies floor, but something had been different this time. He remembered the conversation, of course, and the vague answer that Thor had given but had declined to press further. But now, it seemed as if he wouldn’t have to. The blonde man across the room shifted a bit, from one foot to the other, as if trying to decide whether or not he actually wanted to go on with his story._

 In the end, he had. And Jarvis wasn’t entirely sure he was better for it.

 He recalled Thor’s exact words as the suit technicians hovered around him, attaching this and that piece of the drivesuit to his body. The spinal clamp was last, then the helmet over his head. Thor’s voice echoed in his head as the space filled and emptied of relay gel.

  _“...Most everyone already knows about this, simply because they were there. A few months ago I managed to salvage an almost fully intact secondary brain, the most complete one yet. I was ecstatic, of course, and so was Bruce. He’d been thinking up this crazy idea about drifting with a Kaiju, but I never thought he’d ever attempt it. Eventually he stopped mentioning it and I assumed he’d realized it was too crazy--turns out he was just waiting for the right specimen to show up.”_

Back then he hadn’t understood what that had to do with the bruises on Thor’s arms. As he stepped into the Comm-Pod, taking his place on the right hand side and waiting for Tony to take the left, Jarvis still felt the weight of the conversation on his shoulders.

  _“I was out of the lab getting coffee, he’d been working on this device for weeks in secret. I think he knew i’d have tried to stop him if I found out. Anyway, he tried it. It didn’t work of course, I still don’t know what made him think it would work...I found him collapsed on the floor, seizing. Physically he was fine, for the most part. There we a benign few lesions in his prefrontal cortex, but we assumed they would heal with time.  We hoped it wouldn’t affect him permanently and started therapy sessions immediately. But something about his personality changed.”_

 “All set, Jay?”

 Tony approached his side of the cockpit and the techs finished connecting his drivesuit to the large arm-like structure, bolting him in to the Jaeger itself.  Jarvis couldn’t pinpoint when Tony had stopped calling him ‘kid’ and switched to ‘Jay’, but it didn’t really matter. He could tell that Tony knew something was on his mind.  Not that he had ever been exactly good at hiding his emotions.

  _“It’s called Intermittent Explosive Disorder, which is a lot of big words that mean he gets really angry.  Extremely angry.  The smallest thing could set him off.  The first time I saw signs of it was a few days after the incident. By the time he’d calmed down that first time we were short a computer and two keyboards.  He had some control over himself though, because he hadn’t come after me.  That was only after we’d been working together for a few months.”_

 “Of course, Sir.” Jarvis responded hollowly, letting his mind drift far away from the Jaeger even as his body continued to prepare for their battle.

 “Come on Jay, focus.” his copilot said, now through the headsets within their helmets, “This is for real this time.  We can’t afford any screw-ups.”

 No surprise Tony could see straight through him without needing the insight of a neural link.

 “Of course, Sir, sorry..”

  _“I think he broke something, a beaker or a stand, something like that.  But he just lost it.  Flipped a table, threw a few books, but that was normal by then.  It was only when he grabbed the wrack of glass beakers that I stepped in. I guess he was still pumped up from the adrenaline when I did, because he…reacted.  He couldn’t do much damage, you’ve seen his size compared to mine.”  A small chuckle had escaped Thor’s throat then, heavy and laced with unspoken pain. “I told people I’d gotten the black eye from falling on a Kaiju kidney stone.”_

 “Okay, Kaiju Buster, neural handshake in 30 seconds.” Rhodey’s voice sounded inside both of them helmets.

 And from there the AI took over the count, CARTER’s soft feminine voice keeping perfect time until they would once again be in one another's heads.

 “You don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you, I’ll know in a few seconds. But whatever it is you’ve gotta shake it off.” Tony’s voice was a mix of stern and encouraging, he clearly didn’t want to have gone through all this trouble just to have lost with a copilot who didn’t pay attention.

_“We’ve learned to deal with it since then. Less bruises, less outbursts, less property damage. I finally invested in a punching bag a few weeks ago...That doesn’t exactly mean it’s easy for either of us, that accidents don’t happen. But we’re managing, in our own way.”_

 Jarvis took a deep, steadying breath, the sound of his exhale reverberating within his helmet. He forced his mind to focus, closing his eyes and letting himself fall back into the support of the harness as the AI’s voice reached 10, then 5, then 0. It was then that the rush of memories came; snatches of memory danced before him at high speeds, teasing and tantalizing him to grasp onto any number of them and see where it lead, before the silence rushed in. The silence of the drift.

No, not so much silence. The bits of memory were quieter now, images and sounds and smells passed easily from one mind to another. It was a new, chaotic thing, unrelated images being passed back and forth without reason or thought. They were just loud enough to be heard, but quiet enough to allow both pilots to focus on the here and now, for Tony to feel the tension in Jarvis as Iron Jaeger was lifted up the helicopters and transported to just outside the combat zone. That was something he could understand, and it was that understanding that was passed back with a surprised sort of thankfulness in response.

 Only five kilometers off the shore and they couldn’t afford to let the Kaiju push its way any closer. Six hundred meters from the Kaiju signature the cables were released from their hooks with a snap and Iron Jaeger plunged into the choppy black sea below.  Vantosa, the six legged ‘giant blob lizard’ of a Kaiju as Tony had so aptly put it, had shown up on the preliminary scans as an undefined, massive shape cutting through the oceans waters. It was only now, up close and personal, that they all saw what it really was;  a huge shape with massive spikes jutted out of the frothing waves, each as thick as a man’s arm.  As the Jaeger approached the beast it curled in on itself, shielding its body.  

 “Oooh, so terrifying, it’s an aquatic hedgehog.” Tony taunted, “Let’s blast this speedy little fucker before he knows what hit him.”

 “Repulsor blast, sir?” Jarvis replied, even as they raised their left arms in unison.  He didn’t need a reply, he hadn’t really even needed to ask.  The Jaeger responded in kind, hefting it’s giant repulsor generator into the air and locking onto the creature.  Holographic charts and screens popped up to incircle both their wrists, counting down as energy crackled brightly within the cannon and it prepared to fire.  

 The previously passive Kaiju leapt from the water, a giant spiked wrecking ball of Kaiju flesh flying towards them. The repulsor beam went wild in Buster’s frantic attempt to dodge, but one of the support teams helicopters wasn’t so lucky. A flash of fire and the previously helpful aircraft turned into a spiraling, bladed projectile that plummeted towards the dark water, trailing fire and shrapnel.

 “Son of a bitch!” Tony cursed as a damage report appeared before them both, the deep scratches to the right arm showing up as red on a 3D rendering.  There was a burning hot flash of pain shared between the two pilots, as well as a sense of something else.  Jarvis couldn’t quite place the feeling, a sort of sickness in his stomach, that had shot through him before it was squashed by a thought from the other end of the link: ‘just collateral damage’.  It was shock that overrode it all in the end, but the new pilot didn’t have time to react to any of it before LOCCENT was in his ear again.

 “Watch it Buster, it’s coming around on your six!” Rhodey’s voice through the headsets, the Jaeger quick to turn and face the enemy just in time to see it rise up mere feet from them.

 Vantosa was now more than a vague spiney mass, it had uncurled itself along with standing upright, four arms unfolding from the center of its body in alarming unison. It was with those arms out stretched that it more fell on to then leapt at them in a sick facsimile of a bear hug.

 “Woah, woah!” was Tony’s alarmed shout as both tried to remain upright now with the added weight of the beast clinging to their upper body, both at once realizing that the close proximity made many of their weapons useless.

 Jarvis, however, had managed to grab hold of one of it’s foremost arms and was much too busy with the task of keeping it from piercing through Buster’s head to comment.

 “Don’t let go, Jay, just hang on!” Tony requested as he raised up his fist, taking complete control of the right side as Buster began to viciously beat the Kaiju about the head, “Get off you stupid--”

 The thing hissed in anger as it was assaulted, but it was what happened next that stopped Tony short. A moments pause occurred between blows, and it was then that the Kaiju righted it’s head to focus a seven-eyed glare of hatred on them. It’s mouth more unfurled in all directions then opened, revealing row after horrifying circular row of hooked teeth. Metal strained under the pressure as fangs dug into Buster’s head and shoulders, alarms ringing throughout the Conn-Pod as if the urgency of it all wasn’t apparent.

 A moment of panic flashed through Jarvis, lighting hot and fast, before the wailing of the alarms and LOCCENT’s constant chattering forced him back to the present. Making a snap decision he released the Kaiju’s arm and instead brought the twin blades on either side of the repulsor to bare, this time the blows raining down on the beast’s head sharp and piercing.

 It screamed, high pitched and unearthly, as neon blue blood flowed freely from the wounds, mouth once again closing as it tore itself away from the attacking Jaeger. Buster once again stumbled, this time under the sudden subtraction of weight, but even through the jostling of the Conn Pod Jarvis managed to raise the repulsor and aim.

 With his heart in his throat, he was forced to wait as the auto-targeting systems raced neck and neck against the charging generators, Tony’s rising nerves of anticipation now nothing more than shadows in the back of his mind. Several deep breaths were taken to calm himself, what good would it do if he managed to fire and missed because of a shaky hand? Seconds later the crosshairs met on the sight of Vantosa rising up from the ocean to spearhead towards them, Jarvis wasting no time in firing. The beast was met halfway by a pulse of pure energy, the white light ripping whatever bits of Kaiju flesh it touched before burning itself out. But that was good enough, by the time the blast faded Vantosa was without half it’s head, it’s corpse falling into the depths of the ocean bleeding toxic gore.

 “Kill confirmed, nice job you two.” came Coulson’s calm voice as Jarvis lowered a shaking hand, allowing himself to sag back into the harness and leave it to Tony to keep Kaiju Buster upright.

 “Yes, job well done to the both of you. Come on back, Dr. Odinson and his salvage team can take it from here.” the Marshall’s tone was one of pride even through the speakers.

 “Pretty intense, right? First kills usually are.” his copilots voice overrode that of Fury, a half grin on his face when Jarvis looked over and the clear feeling of a job well done floating across the connection.

 A nod would have to be a good enough answer for now; Jarvis was to out of breath and high on adrenaline to offer anything more.

 

* * *

 

 The reception they got upon walking out onto the hangar floor was warm and celebratory; Jarvis felt innumerable hands patting him on the back and shoulders and voices both familiar and foreign congratulating him. Tony was clearly soaking it all in like a battery recharging, all of the fatigue and stress of battle slipped away under the praise of the crowd, even if it was more directed towards his younger compatriot. But Jarvis found the noise and energy draining, wishing for nothing more than to get his drivesuit off and find the nearest hot shower.

 It was only halfway through the process that Jarvis recalled what he’d picked up in the drift, the thought that had been suppressed by Vantosa clinging to them. It wasn’t until he and Tony had both reached their rooms that he was finally done with trying to bury his anger.

 “‘Collateral damage’? Is that what that support crew was to you?” his words seemed unprompted as he paused, hand on the metal surface of his door.

 It was clear from the look on his face that he’d caught Tony off guard, but that didn’t mean the older pilot was defenseless.

 “Look, Edwin,” his first name was like an insult from Tony’s lips, “Just because you’re in my head for a few minutes doesn’t mean you get to tell me what I think.”

 “I don’t need to, I heard you clear enough. Five men were in that helicopter and now their bodies are floating in the middle of the ocean, we both saw it happen. And yet you didn’t pause even for one moment to care about them.” the blonde man was sure in what he’d felt.

 “If I had paused for even a fraction of a second, that thing would’ve ripped us to shreds.  Sometimes you have to make a tough choice in our position. Yeah, they died and it sucked, but we don’t have time to stop and bawl our eyes out over everyone that dies.” the words surged forth with such tenacity that Jarvis could practically feel the other man’s indignation.

 “Stopping and ‘bawling our eyes out’ is different from giving them a thought, but you didn’t even do that, did you? They might as well’ve been as valuable as the helicopter they died in. I knew you were an arrogant prick, I never knew you were heartless.”

 Tony let out a biting laugh, “Yeah, that’s me, heartless Tony Stark. You’ve seen right through my facade.  I’m actually a total bastard, pretending to be slightly less of a bastard while go around fighting giant aliens because I don’t give a crap about anyone but myself.”

 He watched with suspicious eyes as Jarvis yanked his door open and stepped across the threshold, fully expecting him to just tuck tail and run. _Tony Stark didn’t lose arguments._

 “No, it’s much more simple than that. You’re just cruel.” The slam of the heavy metal door followed the retort, echoing through the hallway and leaving only silence in his wake.

  _Apparently he did._

 The post-it note he found stuck to his door during a midnight trip to the bathroom only rubbed it in.

 ‘So how are those bracelets coming along?’

 The author didn’t even need to sign it.

 

* * *

 Jarvis had read enough psychology texts in his existing memory to know that, in truth, anger was just a symptom of something. A feeling of being useless, helplessness, fear, hurt; no one ever started out angry. But that didn’t exactly make him feel any better.

 He woke in a cold sweat, the bright green light of his digital clock almost mocking him with the early morning hour. He didn’t jolt up right away; that only happened in old movies and novels. Instead he lay there for a few moments before a pervasive feeling of nausea forced him into a sitting position. His dream had vanished the moment he’d opened his eyes, leaving the lingering terror in it’s wake and only a general idea of it’s contents. Blood, rubble, cars covered in a thick layer of dust that only came from a collapsed building, the silence of streets deserted not by choice but by force.

 He’d been angry at Tony because he’d been terrified. Five men had died, five living, breathing men with families and friends and jobs, just like the countless bodies he’s seen strewn across the streets on his seemingly hellish trek out of San Francisco. And Tony had been able to brush it off with an ease that made him jealous; none of the nausea and bone chilling urge to run clung to his skin like the dirt and dust of the collapsed city had years ago.

 In this case, anger was a symptom of fear and jealousy.

 But that didn’t make it any easier.


	4. Bridging the Gap

_The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions._

_\--Nhat Hanh_

* * *

“So you don’t like him...because he’s boring?”

 He’d been trying to explain it to Loki for the past half hour; to make the engineer understand what exactly he didn’t like about his copilot, to make it sound as valid and reasonable as he knew it was. But apparently that was easier said than done.

 “No, with him it’s not just polite, it’s boring! ‘Yes, Sir’, ‘No, Sir’, ‘Of course not, Sir’. Gimme a break already! I know he knows my name, I know he does; but it’s been two weeks and he’s still going with that ‘Sir’ bullshit.” Tony sat on one of the free couches in the rec room, only willing to speak so freely because the room was fairly empty. He wasn’t exactly shy about his opinions, but he wasn’t so much of a jackass that he’d voice them with other people around.

 “I don’t see how it matters much if you like or dislike him, just as long as you drift well. Which it’s already been proven you do.” Loki simply shrugged, he’d been around pilots and LOCCENT long enough to know the gist of what was and wasn’t important in a Jaeger crew.

 “That’s the really annoying part, I hate him but we’re still somehow drift compatible.” Tony was full on pouting now, arms crossed over his chest, giving Loki a suspicious look as the green eyed man started smirking.

 “Do you want to know what I think?” It wasn’t really a question though, Loki told him anyway, “I think you hate him about as much as I hate that annoying researcher down in Kaiju Studies.  I think you don’t hate him at all, in fact I think you like him. But by now you’ve claimed to hate him so many times that it would embarrass you to admit anything else. You’re just being stubborn.”

The pilot rolled his eyes openly, not caring how childish it might have seemed.  Loki was the last person who would call him out on it, given how long they had been having these little vent sessions over a nice hot cup of coffee.  “Have I ever been anything else?”  he quipped, “But seriously, he’s annoying as shit and clearly for some reason that I can’t even explain.  Just… him.  Everything about him pisses me off.”

“Well, try to explain it again, in simpler terms.  He’s not boring, that’s not your issue with him so far as I can tell.”  Loki suggested, crossing his legs and settling into a more comfortable position on the couch.

“First of all, he is boring; way too polite.  He’s way too quiet, just walks around silently like he owns the place.  He spends way too much time down with Thor and Bruce, I never see him.  He just… exists with this stupid look of reckless stubbornness like all he cares about is fighting Kaiju!” Tony slouched into the couch as he spoke, exasperated just by talking about this repulsive behavior.

Loki was thoroughly unimpressed.

“You’re annoyed because he doesn’t talk to you and  is eager to do his job well? Would you rather he be a chatterbox and not care about the war?” The engineer knew that the reverse would have been just as bad, perhaps even more so.

“No, of course not….I guess it’s a good thing he’s so raring to go kill some Kaiju, for the PPDC anyway.” Tony was clearly loath to admit it, “And I would have ended up killing him the first week if he was always up my ass trying to talk to me.”

“So basically you dislike him for the reasons you like him? That’s the only logical conclusion I can come to. This might be a new record for you, Stark. I’m certain you won’t like the solution any better then you’ve convinced yourself you dislike Edwin Jarvis: just talk to him. Actually try and get to know him.”

“Why the hell would I want to do that? Did you miss the part where I hate him? And I’m pretty sure the feeling’s mutual after the other day.” Even Tony wasn’t so blind to how much of an ass he was really being.

“Because if you get to know him then the chance of you hating him isn’t nearly so high, you’ll know why he is the way he is. Do you, by the way? You’ve shared a headspace quite a few times now; you must’ve picked up a few answers already.” the newest pilot had clearly caught Loki’s curiosity, and Tony was his door to the answers.

 He did, actually. It surprised even Tony to find that he knew the answer to that question. It had been during the blur of test drifts; not all at once, not like chasing the RABIT would have been, more little by little but not enough for Tony to really put all the pieces together.

  _Blood, the taste in his mouth, coming off on his fingers, on the ground below him when he opened his eyes.  The smell of it assaulted his senses, overridden only by the smell of smoke and fire, of burning motor oil and the acrid and overwhelmingly alien smell of something, something that was once living, burning._

  _Staggered painfully to his feet, battling for every inch against the pain and dizziness._

  _Confusion_

  _The thick blue liquid covering the ground around his feet went unnoticed as he reached an overturned car._

  _Moving around the debris, he saw it.  It still pulsed with life, but even that was fading into the same death it had caused and everything else faded away.  No more pain or confusion, loss or sadness.  Only a blindingly hot rage that filled every gap in his memory and coursed through him like lava. It felt...good._

 “Yeah, I guess I really should talk to him.”  Tony finally said, ignoring Loki's questions. He may have been a big mouthed asshole, but he still wouldn't go so far as to share memories like that with another person. Even if it was Loki. That guy sure could keep a secret.

 They continued to chat for a few minutes longer, but the pilot was eager to find Jarvis and put things straight.  He may not have liked the guy, but at least he hadn't called him names. To his face. For the most part.

* * *

 If his routine was the same as usual, which was a definite unless he was the rooftop brooding kind of person, then his copilot should have been on the way to dinner.  Emphasis on should have been, the man was nowhere to be seen.  Not the rec room, the hangar, the mess hall--it was as if his copilot had suddenly vanished into the walls without a trace. And since that wasn’t possible it meant Jarvis was breaking his strict routine, which meant something was wrong. For the second time since their initial introduction Tony was dreading meeting with him.

 As much as it made Tony want to roll his eyes he did finally track the blonde man down on the roof. It was well past sunset, the shore barely visible through the inky blackness just past the roofs edge. A slight chill was setting in, making Tony thankful he’d grabbed his standard issue bomber jacket before heading up there. Jarvis turned at the sound of the door closing, Tony careful to keep his expression open and easy; he was trying to be friendly, as pissed off as he was.  The taller man looked personally offended that he’d been disturbed, and Tony couldn’t help but roll his eyes this time but pressed on nevertheless.

“Jay, we need to have a little chit chat.”

“Wasn’t last nights attempt enough of a catastrophic failure for you?” his tone was surprisingly sharp, his accent normally doing more than enough to soften his words, turning even the most general of phrases into something cloyingly polite.

“Nope, come on, I’m planning on going down in flames.” he snapped back, before swallowing most of his annoyance, “Okay, look, can you cool it with the sass for, like, five minutes here.  I seriously want to talk.”

Tony saw more then heard him sigh, a raising and lowering of the shoulders beneath the material of his sweatshirt (seriously, a sweatshirt--it was the most casual Tony had ever seen him in), before relinquishing the space on the railing beside him. Feeling more than a little bit as if he were stepping up onto the witness stand Tony approached, choosing to sit and hang his legs over the lip of the roof rather than stand. A few awkward moments of silence hung between them, filled only with the sound of wind, the nearby surf and the small of sea salt in the air.

“You wanted to talk, so talk.” It was all the prompting Tony needed, much more blunt than Jarvis usually was--the man could win a medal for beating around the bush.

Tony chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, thinking about what he was going to say.  He probably should have done that while he was looking for Jarvis, but he usually did better on the fly.  He exhaled sharply and decided just to say what he was thinking straightforward.  “Okay, don’t quote me on this, but I’m sorry I was an asshole to you. All it was was me trying to deal with the helicopter thing the best way I know how: you’ve gotta keep going-”

“You don’t think I’m unaware of what this is? Not one word for three days, for two weeks if I’m to be honest. You’ve not been kind to me since we met, and now suddenly you want to apologize? Do you truly think I’m so stupid? I know as well as you do that the only reason you’re here is because my sob story managed to slip through and now you pity me.”

Tony held up his hand to stop the other, glaring at him, “Let’s get one thing straight, buddy, I don’t pity you.  Yeah, it sucks, but all of humanity and every other person in San Francisco went through the same thing as you.  I may not have seen one like that, but I’ve taken down more Kaiju than you when my dad were still piloting together.  I’ve dealt with them up close and personal for much longer than you.  I can’t pity someone just for having a different brand of sucky past.”

“Don’t you dare say that to me. All of humanity did not go through the same thing I did. My first memory is waking up in the middle of hell. I woke up with no family, no name, no idea who or where I was and all I had was a puddle of blue blood and a dying Kaiju for answers. My life began with hating them, with seeing the destruction they caused. I have nothing but that!” the blondes voice grew slightly desperate, as if to both impress upon him the truth of his words and trying to deny to horror of them, “My name isn’t Edwin Jarvis; that’s just what they called me when they grew tired of ‘John Doe’! They’ve said my accent might not even be my own. I have nothing but this war, nothing but killing and fighting and trying to bury those memories so deep that even I can’t find them.”

Tony tried to sit there quietly as Jarvis spoke, he really tried.  As uncomfortable as it was to see this much emotion coming from the younger man, it was refreshing in a way.  This was the most human Jarvis had ever let himself act, so far outside his usual calm demeanor that the change seemed almost out of character.  But he couldn’t just let him keep talking like that.

“Hey, Jay?” he cut in, calmly and measured, his voice oddly gentle, “It’ll be alright.”

 Jarvis opened his mouth, ready to shout to the heavens about how it wasn’t going to be alright, not until every single one of those monsters were dead and gone forever, but the older man cut him off.

 “It’ll be alright because you and me, we’re gonna kick those blue sons of bitches back into that breach and slam it shut behind them.”  he didn’t smile.  The atmosphere was too dark for him to allow his signature smile to spread across his face.

 Through the darkness Tony just managed to catch a glimpse of an honestly surprised expression cross over his pilots face, one of the few honest looks of emotion he ever caught on his copilots face. Most of the time he noticed that Jarivs’ looks were...not lies, not exactly, but carefully measured, carefully composed. This was the first time he’d ever seen an emotion cross the blonde man’s face that wasn’t sewn together and carefully calculated. The deep sigh he heard told him that Jarvis wasn’t so easily convinced, but he didn’t expect him to be. This war wouldn’t be won by pep talks and promises, both of them weren’t foolish enough to think that.

 Reaching up with a hand Tony tugged at Jarvis’ sleeve, pulling harder by degrees until the copilot sat down beside him. Nothing else was said, neither of them knowing just what to say, until;

“It’s alright.” Jarvis’ lilting voice from beside him, just barely reaching him over the sound of the ocean waves, “I suppose it makes logical sense, to think of it that way.”

“Logic’s got nothing to do with kicking ass, kid.”  Tony shot back, nudging the man gently.

He couldn’t picture the smile that he knew must have accompanied the chuckle he heard, the darkness too thick to see it for himself. The tiniest, most hidden, part of him wished it wasn’t.


	5. Backlash

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."  
\--Ernest Hemingway

* * *

 

No one was really sure when the duo started getting along.  It might have been the fresh air from that rooftop chat that allowed the rather high strung individuals to clear their heads and actually talk to each other.  Maybe it was the few bonding fist fights they managed to get into until someone pulled them apart.  Or perhaps the dozens of times Marshall Fury had sent them to the Kwoon for ‘venting sessions’ was what did it.  What ever it was one day something just clicked between the pair. Not overnight, mind you, even miracles weren’t that powerful. But they did begin greeting eachother each morning and night, and the next day Tony even sat across from Jarvis at the lunch table. Clint looked close to swooning from the shock, Bucky had to leave the room to hide his laughter, and Steve simply slid a crisp 5 dollar bill across the table at Natasha without another word on the subject. And, as was the way of these sorts of things, their drift rates gradually improved as well. Tony would have been perfectly happy enough with Coulson and Fury getting off his back, but the added bonus of actually not hating his drift partner was pretty cool.

But, also as was the way of things, fate couldn’t let that happiness, that sense of peaceful comradery exist for long. Almost two weeks to the day of their rooftop encounter the alarms began to sound up in the LOCCENT offices, just as Phil was returning from a coffee break. One Kaiju through the Breach and moments later the codename came in; Whiplash, a decent sized Category 4 coming in fast from the ocean. Immediately the teams were called for, but it was undoubtedly Kaiju Buster that was the most eager to go.

“Come on, Marshall, let us take this one. You can’t tell me we don’t need the practice.” Tony went the route of logic in an attempt to sway Fury who, after a moment of consideration, simply nodded.

“Fine; Kaiju Buster suite up, Helldiver Orion standby in case these two need rescuing.” And with that the orders were given, Tony grinning with triumph through the entire suiting up process. That smug pride lasted right up until the drift initiated, when the pair were strapped into the Conn-Pod of Iron Jaeger, the feeling filling Jarvis with a kind of distant warmth that enveloped and swallowed the fear and trepidation of another fight.

Soon enough the pair were deployed, making their way steadily out into the combat zone with LOCCENT chattering in their ear and feeding them updates of Whiplash’s location.

“Hey, hope you can keep up with me out there, Jay.  I don’t wanna be the one doing all of the work.” Tony scoffed into the audio link.

Jarvis didn’t dignify the comment with a response, but he did let a small smile show within the confines of his helmet. It was more then enough to betray his feelings; the man beside him was in his head after all. They made it to the conflict zone without incident andin the glaring light of the helicopter’s floodlights, they saw the glowing blue form of the Kaiju. A dark shape cutting through the ocean water, staying just under the surface with it’s scales reflecting light back at them. The shape of the tail was noticeable, trailing long and serpentine behind it’s the shadow of it’s streamlined body.  It was smaller than Vantosa had been, more sea snake then wrecking ball and much more aggressive if the sudden alarms and damage reports meant anything. A crush wound to the left leg had Kaiju Buster falling to one knee for a moment, but that was just a moment too long as that long tail Jarvis had glimpsed in the ocean wrapped around their upper leg and torso.

“Son of a bitch is trying to drag us down!” Tony exclaimed as both felt the entire Jaeger begin to slowly list to one side as it’s leg was yanked out from under them.

But a thought from Jarvis was enough to remedy the situation as Tony grabbed firmly onto the part of the tail he could and, with one swift movement of the left hand, it was severed from the Kaiju’s body. Immediately the long appendage went slack around them and a muffled screech was heard from somewhere beneath the now blue stained water.

“Well, this is just great.” Tony held the severed tail in his hand, “We can beat it to death with it’s own tail.”

“...Only you would come up with that, Sir. You know as well as I do we don’t have a good track record when you think things will be that simple.” Jarvis quipped from beside him, keeping a keen eye out for the injured and now undoubtedly infuriated Kaiju he knew still lurked beneath the water.

Tony rolled his eyes and adjusted the Jaeger’s hold on the tail, lifting the end of it out of the water and brandishing it Indiana Jones style.  Now that it was clear of the jet black water, they could see the mace like ball that made up the end of the thin extremity.  With any luck, the makeshift weapon would provide an advantage against the Kaiju’s trademark thick hide and impressive vitality. Not as easy as using missiles or the daggers, but it would certainly make for an interesting story to rub in Steve’s face.

Kaiju Buster turned in the water steadily, keeping its front to Whiplash as it slid through the water.  The beast stayed a good distance away from the Jaeger, something that set Jarvis a little on edge.  The only other Kaiju he had as a frame of reference had been almost mindless in its attack, but this one seemed eager to let them attack first.  Through the drift, Tony could feel his co-pilot’s discomfort and was in the process of thinking up some sarcastic remark when the Kaiju abruptly turned in the water.  Before they could even process the action, the status report registered deep gashes along the already damaged leg.

Warnings flashed across the HUD and Tony must have shouted some form of explicative. Jarvis wasn’t entirely sure, given that his ears were ringing from the sheer force of the impact.  He almost spared time for an “I told you so” but was more concerned with the issue of their barely functioning leg.  One more hit like that and they would be knocked under the water and completely susceptible to any attacks.

Whiplash was once again circling the Jaeger from a safe distance and with their decreased mobility, it was getting harder to keep up with its movements.  The best plan of attack was long range, then.  Metal sparked and screeched as the panels on Iron Jaeger’s chest. They were unable to use any of the missiles along their right arm, seeing as Tony still insisted on keeping that godforsaken tail until he had the chance to use it.  

“Target is moving too quickly to get a reliable lock-on.” the blond pilot was only backing up with the targeting system told them.

“Oh, thanks Jay, I didn’t notice.” Tony shouted back above the sound of various alarms, and let loose a barrage of projectiles the moment the beast was as close to locked-in as they could get.

Less than half the missiles hit their target and even fewer did any real damage. Trailing toxic blue in its wake, the Kaiju lifted its torso out of the water as it approached, a piercing roar only adding more noise to the chaos. The pilots were still perfectly in sync, but that didn’t keep Jarvis from being surprised when Tony chose to discard the tail in the Jaeger’s hand and start up the arm cannon charging process. The time for games and ‘heroic moments’ was over apparently, a charging Kaiju certainly warranted a certain degree of seriousness, even nervousness if the feelings in their shared headspace were anything to go by.

But the blasted thing--they only managed to get off a single shot before the beast was to close for any more, it’s newly grown tail slamming into them like a freight train. Iron Jaeger had no hope of staying upright even with two good legs, the great metal monstrosity crashing into the waves. And for several disorienting moments they were underwater, Jarvis looking around frantically to try and catch a glimpse of the Kaiju as it swam around them freely. It was taunting them before the kill.

“Easy, Jarvis, just concentrate on standing up. Just--” Tony’s attempt at a calming voice in his ear was cut off as a physical mass rammed into them, sending the entire Conn-Pod into shudders with the force.

The race to stand before the next attack was a blur of frantic thought and motion, but the Jaeger made it to it’s feet just in time for Whiplash’s head to rise with it, mouth closed as it prepared to use brute force to push them into the water again. Without another thought Jarvis lashed his hand out, a firm closed-fist punch landing square and sending the Kaiju crash back into the waves.

“Tony you have to calm him down! There’s too much emotional interference, he’s falling out of synch!” Phil’s voice just barely audible over the alarms, but Tony didn’t have any time to stop and reply--he had to get his pilot under control now before this thing really went to hell.

“Jay, you need to focus.  We can’t do anything with you trying to steal the spotlight, now can we?” his voice was as calm as he could force it to be, not unlike a trainer speaking to a spooked animal, “Focus on me and we can deal with this, right?”

The words were only supported by the feelings and images coming to him through the drift, all encouraging calm and a laser sharp focus on the task ahead. His subconscious agreed before Jarvis had the chance to open his mouth and do so verbally, but any plans for it were cut off  as another, much more powerful force rammed into them. They’d been too distracted, the Kaiju had taken the chance to quickly wrap itself around their arm and deliver a powerful blow to Iron Jaeger’s head. The force of it threw Jarvis back into his harness, disorienting him for a moment as pain shot through him with the odd angle he was forced to bend, but the creaking of metal caught his attention. A look to the left made him wish he hadn’t; the side of the Conn-Pod across from him was physically buckling inward. Towards Tony.

He watched and felt the muscles in Tony’s neck strain as his head was snapped back by the force, the pain in his skull as his head hit the back of the helmet. So strong through the drift was the feeling that is blinded Jarvis for a moment, leaving him gasping for a moment and jerking his hands up in defense. But when he opened his eyes to look again Tony was limp in his harness.

“WARNING: COPILOT UNRESPONSIVE.” the AI’s calm voice made that fact undeniable, almost a cynical fact.

The Kaiju hissed in triumph as it prepared for another strike, coiling itself around the Jaeger’s arm tighter. The force of the strike snapped Jarvis out of his daze with alarming force, breaking his horrified stare at his copilots limp form.  
  


_Blue liquid coating white sneakers._   
  


_His own blood, stark red against the pale skin of his hands and fingers._   
  


_The dying body of the thing surrounded by the ruins of the once pristine city._   
  


_Fear. Pain. Blood. Confusion._   
  


_Hatred._  
  
 

It was hard to tell whether the unearthly howl that flooded the headsets back at LOCCENT was feedback from the damaged Jaeger or the pilot himself.  Coulson tore his headset away from his ear, looking around him in shock to see if the other technicians had heard it as well, only to see one intern sitting on the floor looking scared out of his mind.  

“What the fuck was that?” Rhodey barked into his headset, “Jarvis, what’s going on? The drift is completely out of synch! 

Beside him, Marshal Fury was already contacting Helldiver Orion to prep for deployment.  But they would barely be able to get into their suits; both hemispheres of Jarvis’s brain were syncing with the Jaeger.

“Jarvis, get back to land,” Rhodey demanded, “You can’t handle that kind of mental strain.”

But Jarvis wasn’t listening.  Without bothering to wait for the cannon to power up, he began stabbing into the creature that clung to the Jaeger’s side, plowing into every vital point he could reach.  It writhed and screamed in pain, coating the machine in blue that was then washed clear by the sea.  He didn’t pause, relentless in his blows until the Kaiju relinquished its grip and slipped back into the ocean.  

Before it could swim away, the pilot discharged several dozen missiles into it’s side.  The force of the shots alone ripped jagged holes in the monster’s side, flesh and muscle scorched away from underlying bone.  Keening in agony, Whiplash pounded kaiju Buster’s damaged leg desperately, but it was no use.  Pinning the creature underfoot with its tail, Jarvis charged up the cannon.  One bright flash and a high pitched squeal, and it was over.

It took several seconds for Jarvis to register that he was still screaming.

* * *

  
He was told it were mere seconds after he blacked out that the helicopters reached them. Jarvis remembered nothing else of the incident; not waiting for the medevac to arrive, or the trip back to land. Not even being stripped of his drive suite and, immediately after, admitted to the medical wing. He didn’t even really remember much from the end of the fight, if he truly pressed himself. His throat burning, someone screaming, a bright flash, and then a blissful numbness. Being consumed by the sound of his own breathing in his helmet for what seemed like hours, and then nothing at all. 

Another hole in his memory to add to the collection. And this one had swallowed up two full days.

Upon waking he sat up, gazing blankly at the IV line tapped to his arm and allowed his eyes to follow the plastic tube up to the bag. He vaguely recognized one of the names printed on it in neat black typeface, a calming medication if he remembered correctly. Maybe that was why he wasn’t still screaming. Why had he been screaming before?

He lay back down and fell asleep. It wasn’t important anyway.

The next time he woke a nurse was there and informed him of the situation. Jarvis swiftly remembered why it was important after that.  Tony had been admitted the same time he had. His room was down the hall. Jarvis could go see him, if he liked.

The nurse left the room when the blonde man in the bed didn’t answer, or give any indication he’d heard her.

 

The water of the shower was freezing on his skin, muscles tensing up and taking to spasms under the temperature. The tile against his back was equally as wet and equally as cold, he’d stopped being able to feel his shoulders some minutes ago. Jarvis had wanted to wash the smell of the hospital from his skin, but had slumped the moment he stepped under the showerhead. 

Then, the first sound in minutes; a sob from somewhere in his chest. Immediately his hand flashed up to his mouth to cover it; no one could hear him. No one should be allowed to hear him. They’d ask questions, they’d find out it was his fault--

Another sob after that, hand pressing harder until his bottom teeth threatened to cut into his lip. Curling in on himself in an attempt to stop it, the shaking of choked back sobs only making his shivering worse. Painful.

Tony was in the hospital. Tony was hurt. Tony had blacked out. There, solid in the drift, then gone. And it was Jarvis fault. Tony could have been hurt worse, Tony could have…

It would just be another hole. There were so many already. Tony’s death would be the biggest of them all, raw and festering around the edges. Maybe he could add another after it with the gun he kept in the sock drawer, collapse the whole thing in on itself--

Warm arms around him, a quickly dampening shirt pressed into his side, a chin pressed to the top of his head. He didn’t say anything, biting back whatever sarcastic little quip he might have had at the ready to try and lighten the mood. The arms tightened around him as a tremor shot through Jarvis, determined to hold him together even as he shook apart at the seams.

“I-I--”

“Ssshh.” The chest against his side pressed closer, a support instead of a barrier.

But the thought got through never the less on the scraps of their drift that had become a constant in both their minds. Regret and sorrow screaming from one end, comfort and forgiveness whispered back in return. And a phrase, over and over again like a mantra.

_I’m alright._

Neither knew how long it took for the sobs to die down, neither cared. But some time later Tony shifted, loosening his grip on the other man just until he could look down at the top of his copilots head, “Are you cold?”

The nod that followed had him reaching up for the tap and moments later the temperature of the water slowly began to rise. Still, neither moved from their place on the shower floor and the sound of water-on-tile filled the silence that followed with white noise for several minutes.

“Y’know, maybe this whole ghost drifting thing isn’t so terrible. I mean, this wasn’t really how I wanted to spend my Friday night but I think I’m willing to compromise.”

The small chuckle was barely heard, but Tony smiled at the sound of it even so as both allowed themselves to sink into the quiet of their headspace.


	6. Who Really Needs Words Anyway?

“Words empty as the wind are better left unsaid.”

\--Homer

“If we’d known about this from the start he wouldn’t have even been admitted to the Jaeger program, he'd be classified as way too unstable. So give me one good reason why I shouldn’t terminate him right now.”

“Because you said it yourself; you’ve got no one else that would be compatible with me so he’s your last resort. We’re the last chance you’ve got and you know it, and without him there is no me.”

Tony stood in Nick’s office--the man had the decency to give him a day out of the hospital before calling him down for ‘a talk’. He’d known the moment he walked in it wouldn’t be a topic he wanted to discuss.

Word of their latest battle had spread fast; in the three day span since the fight the entire Oregon Shatterdome knew some version of the tale. The amount of truth varied with each telling but everyone got the basic gist; Tony had gotten hurt and Jarvis had completely lost it. He hadn’t yet been told anyone’s opinion of it, not that he really gave a shit what anyone else thought of them, but everyone knew it was only Nick’s opinion that mattered. It could make or break them.

“You’re not my last resort Stark; I’ve got the Orion and Lattice Reliant crews in my back pocket just as capable and more experienced then the two of you. You two may be our brightest but don’t think for a second you’re our best. So remind me again why I shouldn’t cut a mentally unstable pilot from our program before he hurts someone else.” Nick’s voice rose slightly, almost goading Tony into giving a reason that would satisfy him.

“Marshall, you saw us out there just like everyone else did. The drift is getting better each time, we’re getting better. We can do this, I know he can do this!  Just let me talk to them, he’s just gotta get his head on straight and we’ve got this in the bag. You know we do.”

“Don’t presume to tell me what I do and don’t know, Ranger.” the Marshall’s tone was stern, one that made Tony stand just a bit straighter, “And why the sudden caring? Not even two weeks ago you were in here begging me to send him home.”

“We fight giant blue aliens from the bottom of the ocean and you think that’s strange? You get in someone’s head enough times and you start to not hate him. Forget about that for a second, just give me a chance to talk to him, Sir.”

He could almost see the wheels in Fury’s head turning from across the room before he saw Nick sigh and bring a hand to his temples. A small sort of hope began to spark in his chest; maybe the Marshall might actually give him a chance.

“Fine, talk to him. But I want to see the both of you in the Kwoon at fifteen hundred hours exactly. If I don’t like what I see then he goes, if I do he stays.” Fury clearly wasn’t willing to make negotiations of bargain with him; he was offering and ultimatum, not a deal.

“Yes, Sir.” and with that curt nod he promptly turned and left, closing the door behind him and setting off in the direction of their rooms. He didn’t exactly have all the time in the world to find Jarvis, only about half an hour if the time on his watch was correct.

But he didn’t make it very far, only several hallways closer to his destination when he heard someone call him name. Turning he saw the raven haired engineer jogging after him to catch up, Tony reluctantly pausing to let the man reach him. He was eager to find his copilot and talk to him, but he wouldn’t just blow off someone clearly looking for him. Loki might even know where the blonde Englishman had gone.

“Hey, have you see Edwin anywhere? Jarvis, I mean.” Tony corrected himself once he saw Loki’s slightly puzzled look; his habit of calling Jarvis by his surname had been adopted by everyone.

“No, why? You haven’t? I would have thought he’d be eager to see you now that you’re out of the hospital wing.”

“I would’ve thought so too, but it’s been three days and I haven’t seen him at all. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he’s avoiding me. I mean, I don’t really blame him after what happened, but I at least want to know what he’s up to.” Tony said with a slight shrug, trying not to broadcast their problems to someone outside of them.

“What did happen, by the way? Everyone’s got a different version of it and I suspect only half of them are even half true.” and there was Loki’s trademark curiosity again; he could brown nose with the best of them but Tony was never really bothered by it.

“Let’s just say he got a little too into the fight and lost it for a second. It’s no big deal. Look, I gotta find him so if you want better answers ask me later, alright?” and with the nod Loki gave, Tony was off down the hallway once again.

Loki departed in the opposite direction, heading back towards the hangar. It was purely by chance he bumped into the very person his friend had been looking for only ten minutes after they had spoken. So the rumors had been true, the blonde man did look a bit more withdrawn than his usually reserved self, but Loki still made the effort to talk all the same.

“Oh, Jarvis, there you are.” he said with a slight wave to get the man’s attention, “Tony was looking for you just now...Are you alright? It seems he was right to be worried.”

Jarvis looked slightly surprised, but if it was from the fact Tony was looking for him or that he was worried Loki couldn’t tell. Nevertheless he paused for a moment and seemed to consider something before making a reply.

“Yes, I’m quite alright. There’s no need to worry...Why? Was Tony worrying?” Jarvis was quick to reassure, at least that had not changed.

“He seems to have gotten the impression that you’ve been avoiding him since he was released from the hospital. I’m not sure where he would have gotten that from, of course...unless you have been avoiding him?” It was phrased as a question, Loki hoping to get the answer from Jarvis that Tony had refused to give him.

“Truthfully I suppose I have been, purposefully or not.”  Loki thought he looked somewhat guilty, be it from being caught in his actions or some other reason.

“If you don’t mind my asking,” Loki phrased his question carefully, not wanting to press Jarvis as much as he would have been willing to press Tony, “Wat exactly happened? There are about a thousand stories going around and no one is quite sure what’s true.”

A pregnant pause, then, taken as Jarvis was clearly trying to decide what, if anything, to tell Loki. But a sigh broke the awkward silence, Jarvis running a hand through his hair as if to relieve built up tension.

“I lost control.” as it were really that simple, “Tony got hurt and I let my rage get the best of me...I don’t really remember much of the end of the fight, even now…”and that thought seemed to disturb him a great deal.

“Oh! You’d better go, Tony was looking for you.” Loki suddenly remembered the reason he had been keeping an eye out for the man in the first place, having been so wrapped up in Jarvis’ story that he’d momentarily forgotten, “I saw him a few minutes ago just outside the Marshall’s office, I think he may have been headed for your quarters.”

And with a thankful nod Jarvis set off down the way Loki had come. The engineer watched him for a moment, considering Jarvis’ retreating form with a contemplative gaze, before going his own way once more.

* * *

  
Two o'clock came sooner rather than later, and Tony found himself barefoot in sweatpants and a tanktop, standing on the mat in the middle of the room. He watched as Jarvis took off his boots, sitting on one of the benches, before turning to Nick. The severe man stood at the top of the room with an equally severe expression, hands folded neatly behind his back and expression betraying nothing. Tony sighed, this wouldn’t exactly be a walk in the park even if Jarvis hadn’t been avoiding him for days on end--he’d never been a good test taker.

Turning to face Jarvis Tony watched him step onto the mat, short bow staff in hand. Both of them knew how to utilize the weapons, it was standard training for all Ranger candidates, but they had never gone through his routine before--the sparring match of test compatibility. The numbers had been enough for the higher ups to shove the both of them in a Jaeger together, the sparring had been considered an unnecessary formality. But now it would determine everything. Tony had explained the stakes, of course, both men knew what they were risking here. But Tony still tried his best to look as casual as he could.

The took their positions in the center of the mat, Jarvis still to uncomfortable to hold his gaze for more than a few moments before he had to look away. That shouldn’t matter, Tony thought, this would go fine and Fury would eat his words.  Everything would be fine. With a nod between them, they began.

At first, it was like they had never drifted before in their lives.  Jarvis moved the wrong way and right into a blow, Tony underestimated Jarvis’s reach, and both made countless ridiculous, rookie level mistakes.  It was discouraging and downright frustrating, seeing how much that incident had knocked them both so far off point. The air between them was tense and silent, it was clear to everyone that this was going downhill much too quickly. Desperate times, then.

“Come on Jay.  You’re hitting like a little girl.  How are you gonna kill Kaiju with a stance like that?”  Tony taunted, taking a few steps back and out of immediate strike range of the short wooden staffs.

The blonde frowned and corrected his stance under his copilots scrutiny, “I hardly see how--”

But Tony didn’t give him the chance to fully form that retort, lunging forward and scoring a light hit to Jarvis’ ribcage with the tip of his staff before quickly retreating again.

He saw Jarvis sigh, the tightening of his jaw giving it away as an attempt to dispel frustration than anything else. And in this case frustration was a good sign, it would force him out of whatever funk he’d gotten himself into. He watched, a grin appearing, as the man across from him rolled his shoulders and loosened his grip on the bow staff to a more correct one before falling back into a proper stance. On some unspoken agreement, with both men studiously ignoring the scrutinizing eye of the Marshall, they began again.

The restart was almost as rocky as the first one had been and for a moment it seemed they wouldn’t get anywhere. But then, slowly, a pattern began to develop between them, an easy flow that each both recognized and followed. Moments later it became thoughtless, the pair moving in synch, responding and reacting to one anothers blows and movements without even being conscious of it. The successful hits became much more seldom and much more clean, each reading each others moves in more then enough time to react. And never once did either man look at anything other than his partner’s face, even when Jarvis managed to sweep Tony’s feet out from under him and carefully send him to the mat below. Neither of them felt the need to worry about each other, they knew the others limits instinctively and any apprehension Jarvis felt had been washed away by the steady rhythm of the match.

It was only the Marshall’s voice that brought them back to reality, both men freezing at the sound of it. Tony’s staff was pressed sharply against the side of Jarvis’ neck, and in return Jarvis’ was positioned to once again knock Tony off his feet. But after a few moments both lowered their weapons and turned to face the Marshall, who’s face was still as passive and serious as ever.

“I’ve seen everything I need to.” his tone was just on the wrong side of worrying, Tony stepping forward slightly.

“Marshall, that was the best match we’ve ever had hands down. You can’t just--” but Fury’s voice once again interrupted him.

“Can’t just clear Ranger Jarvis for further combat? Learn to stop interrupting, Stark, it will save you the trouble.” Nick’s smirk was enough of a consequence for Tony, the pilot stepping back in line with Jarvis with a slightly chastised and begrudgedly pleased air.

* * *

“It’s...disorienting. To wake up in the middle of that sort of situation and know that you should know...something. That something should be there. About what’s going on, about yourself. But, you wake up with nothing and it’s...terrifying,”

Tony sat quietly beside his copilot as he listened to him grasp for the right words, legs folded as they sat on the edge of one of the upper levels of the hangar. After the match they had gone back to their rooms with every intention to go their separate ways after showering, but had someone found themselves there. They’d arrived maybe ten minutes ago, finding seats on the floor and, for the first few moments, just stared out at Iron Jaeger as the machine underwent repairs. And somehow they’d ended up there, with Jarvis going over his past in the greatest detail Tony had ever gotten on the subject, and Tony listened with a grave sort of respect.

“And then you suddenly discover something to focus that terror on, right there in the middle of everything...and you fill up the holes in your head with hatred for you. You hate it to keep from screaming.” the eyes Jarvis regarded him with were just the slightest bit watery around the edges, the smile and shrug he gave to weak to really be sincere.

A mutual understanding passed between them; Tony remained silent because there was simply nothing he could say, nothing he had to say that Jarvis could not already know or feel through the tendrils of their connection that remained even still. There was no need for words of solidarity or comfort, no exchange of a mutual horror story in an attempt to relate, no need for hugs or pats on the back. That was the virtue of the drift, a level of intimacy that they would never find in another person.

They let a few more minutes pass, enjoying the silence and eachothers company until some unseen signal was passed.  Making their way in companionable silence to their rooms, neither of them really thought much of the fact that Tony slipped into Jarvis’s room with him. The contact was needed, just a comforting presence beside them in the night. Their individual rooms would seem to wide and dark without it, even if it was Tony simply flopping on the bed beside Jarvis and stealing the sheets during the night.

After that, no one would really be able to say for sure when they started sharing that room, or when they started coming to breakfast together (even if Tony was practically zombified from the early hour), but all anyone knew was that Tony never really made it back into his own room.

* * *

  
Up in the LOCCENT offices it was not nearly so peaceful. Mostly everyone had been dismissed for the day, but the light from several groups of monitors at the front of the room still shone through the darkness. This was where Phil, Bruce and Thor had gathered, the two later men standing as the former one sat in his usual chair and pressed several keys to bring up the reason he’d called them down.

“We’d been picking it up for a while, but could never quite pinpoint its exact location. The closest we’ve ever been able to get it within a three mile radius of the Shatterdome. In any case, it was so small that eventually we wrote it off as being a residual signature from one of your more lively specimens, Dr. Odinson. But earlier today it disappeared, and we haven’t been able to pick it up since.” Phil spoke as he brought up the signature records, playing through the past few months at a fast pace until the date that day was reached. Then he froze the records when the small blue blip that was the Kaiju signature vanished, just as Phil had said. It was only after a few moments that Phil turned to the pair of K-Scientists with a slightly expectant look, “So what do you the two of you make of it?”

“It is rather strange. I haven’t noticed any of the Thor’s specimens missing today.” Bruce offered, fairly sure in his statements.

“Yes, and even if it was, the majority of them aren’t alive enough to just crawl off on their own. Most intact pieces of the brain have shown limited residual brain activity and even more limited range of movement past simple twitching, but not nearly enough to disappear on their own.” Thor backed up his partner's statements.

“Then it wasn’t one of yours…” Phil sounded more than apprehensive about the idea forming in his head, “It makes me almost wish it was.”

 


	7. Ultron

The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.  
\--Ernest Hemingway

* * *

 

“WARNING: KAIJU SIGNATURE DETECTED IN THE BREACH. PLEASE REPORT TO LOCCENT OFFICES.”

CARTER’s blankly level voice blared over the loudspeaker, startling the pilots awake. Tony nearly fell off the top bunk when he jolted upright, and that thump below him certainly wasn’t Jay’s feet hitting the floor. The older pilot climbed off his bed, grumbling the whole way, while Jarvis was already across the room and was nursing the new bump on his head.

“They can never show up at like, ten in the morning? It always has to be ridiculously early?” Tony whined, groping his way across the floor with his eyes closed. No way was he opening his eyes, let alone rushing, at 3:37 AM.

Jarvis didn’t reply, but he did throw a cold wet towel, expertly aimed to slap Tony into consciousness. It landed with an icy slap against Tony’s chest, quickly soaking through his t-shirt as it stuck to him.

“Yes, well, unfortunately neither of us can simply will the Kaiju away and go back to sleep. Come on, we’re expected in ten minutes.” Tony could feel the faint shadow of Jarvis’ amusement, but it was still with a pout that Tony peeled the wet towel from his chest and wiped at his face.

The pair made it up to LOCCENT on time and suited up as usual, the technicians locking their suit’s pieces together as they stood as motionless as possible. It took a bit longer, considering the fact that Loki had decided it was a good day to ignore the alarms and sleep in apparently. In any case whatever the reason the raven haired technician was absent, increasing the entire process by several minutes and Marshall Fury’s annoyance along with it.

“Don’t get so worked up, Sir--you’ll give yourself a heart attack at this rate.” Bucky quipped from beside them, already suited up in Orion’s navy blue drivesuit with his helmet held like a football under his arm, “It’s just a big Category 3 Kaiju, nothing to get your eyepatch in a twist about.”

“Then maybe you and Rogers would like to take on this ‘just a big Category 3 Kaiju’, Ranger Barnes.” Nick’s tone was a stern, no-nonsense kind of thing; how he always got when Kaiju were concerned.

“Hey, why not? C’mon Steve, let’s show ‘em how the professionals handle it.” Bucky’s smug smile was met with an indulgent one from his drift partner.

“Just holler if you need us to come and save you.” Clint’s voice from behind them, he and Natasha still in their casual clothes; a Category 3 wasn’t worth suiting up three Jaeger teams.

Jarvis watched with amusement as Bucky and Steve made their way into Helldiver, listening as the pair chattered and Bucky spouted self-confident phrases through the speakers. All of that went quiet for a split second as their neural handshake was initiated, and then they were off to the combat zone.

“Alright you two, let’s make this textbook. This category 3, Ultron , is coming in from the south-southwest at a good pace. Intercept it before the miracle mile. We will deploy Lattice Reliant to hold that mile if you run into trouble.” Phil spoke into the microphone in front of him, watching the holographic map carefully as the little blue triangle that was Helldiver grew closer and closer to the little red dot that was Ultron.

Tony and Jarvis both dropped back a few paces, giving the pair of LOCCENT officers ample room to work as they watched from further back in the room. Both Phil and Rhodey had their backs turned to them, so both missed the look on their faces when the whole of the holographic Helldiver lit up red. Usually one part would light up to indicate damage, then a small note beside it detailing exactly what happened. But this time the entire Jaeger flushed the color and the note beside it simple read ‘ERROR’. The pair didn’t need their ghost drift link to know both of their stomachs dropped simultaneously.

“Helldiver? Come in Helldiver Orion, is everything alright? There must be a glitch on our end, the damage reports--” Phil never got to finish his sentence as he hit the side of the hologram generator in the hopes of correcting the error, Steve’s panicked voice cutting him off.

“LOCCENT, we’ve been compromised. I repeat, the drift has been compromised!” ever the professional even through his panic, both pilots heart rates skyrocketing on the monitors.

“Compromised? Helldiver, I’m not sure I got that correctly--did you say compromised?” Jarvis could hear the confusion in Phil’s voice as he spoke into the microphone, and from further back in the room he heard either Nathasha or Clint shift with nerves.

Jarvis turned back to glance at both pilots, but when he turned back the drift rate statistics caught his eye;they were plummeting faster than he’d ever seen in real-world or textbook scenarios. He barely registered Natasha and Clint shifting closer to get a better look, barely heard Natasha’s usually level voice spitting out a string of what he could only guess were curses in Russian.

“WARNING: NEURAL BRIDGE VALUES INSUFFICIENT. JAEGER SHUT DOWN COMMENCING.” CARTER’s even tone was disturbing in this situation.

“Shit!” Phil cursed, sparing a moment to smack the desk before his hands flew into action over the switchboard before him.

Nick bent low over Phil’s shoulder to grab the microphone, “ Helldiver, stay in your Jaeger! Do not activate your escape pods, you’ll be sitting ducks out there. You four--” and here he turned to the two teams behind him, “Get out there now.”

“Roger that, LOCCENT.” Steve’s voice, weaker and shaky now that the burden of the neural load was off his shoulders.

From the moment the Marshall had given orders Jarvis and Tony both had their helmets on and were making their way towards the hangar, leaving Natasha and Clint to follow as quickly as they could. Neither spoke through the entire connection process save for Tony’s urgent mutterings for the entire process to hurry up. The sentiment was wholeheartedly shared by the blonde as well, so much so the pair forwent the usual helicopter drop and instead ran for the combat zone.

“Hang on Helldiver, we’re on our way!” Tony called to the downed Jaeger and her crew, it’s shadowy form a thick blackness standing stiff and still in the middle of the ocean.

“We’ll grab Rogers and Barnes, you two distract the Kaiju!” Natasha’s voice through their headsets, a glance back revealing the slim form of Lattice following behind them from a good few yards back, “We’ll be back to help after that!”

“Yes ma’am!” was Jarvis’ short reply before the line went quiet once more, the other Jaeger focusing on the task at hand as the Kaiju itself became visible.

The thing was stocky, bipedal with thick legs and equally thick arms, a short neck connecting it’s body to a sleek head--a pitbull in Kaiju form. It more lumbered through the ocean then swam, circling Helldiver Orion in a clearly predatory way, as if waiting for the Jaeger to show signs of life so it would be justified in going in for the kill. But all the noise they were making in their approach did cause it to turn, luckily not catching a glimpse of Natasha and Clint trying to go around in order to reach Helldiver.

It turned fully as they made their approach, but Bucky’s strained voice stopped them dead in their tracks; “Don’t let it touch you!”

They stopped short, sea water rising up high around their legs in large waves and the sea floor shifting under their feet, just fifteen or twenty feet from the target. Tony kept the Jaeger still as Jarvis reached up for the switch to allow him to speak directly to Helldiver.

“Bucky? What do you mean?” Jarvis’ face was puzzled as he looked up towards the speaker in the center consol, taking his finger off the button so that Bucky could answer them.

“It--That’s how it got us.” it was clear the effort to speak was almost too much for the man, but the urgency of the situation demanded it, “It touches you and gets inside your head...messes with the drift.”

A beat of silence across both ends, both Tony and Jarvis a bit too stunned to say anything. Finally, it was Jarvis that broke it, “Did you relay that information to LOCCENT?”

“We heard you.” Phil’s voice over the speakers was nothing but grave, completely devoid of the normal hum of background noise they could usually hear.

Buster had been circling the Kaiju all this time as it circled them, both parties just staying out of range and watching the other. Before they would have simply gone for the straight forward approached and slashed and stabbed until it was dead, but this new facet of the situation made the whole thing that much more complicated. Both pilots minds were racing within their headspace, and even with two minds completely devoted to the problem neither was able to miraculously come up with a plan.

“Alright, what long range weapons do we have?” Tony asked, Jarvis able to feel him trying to mentally scroll through Kaiju Buster’s arsenal but unsure if he was missing something.

“A bountiful amount of missiles and repulsor beams.” Jarvis’ tone was laced heavily with sarcasm, “Jaegers were never exactly built for long-range combat, Sir.”

“Bombs away, I guess” Tony said with a mental shrug, his armor and the harness hooking him up to Iron Jaeger preventing him from physically completing the action.

It wasn’t exactly the most elegant plan they’d ever had, but it would have to do for now. With that mutual thought in mind Tony and Jarvis both raised their arm and opened fire on the Kaiju, unloading everything they had in an attempt to tear through it’s thick hide. But, despite the fire and smoke and shockwaves of explosions, it was then that Ultron decided to go on the advance. Soon enough they reached the end of both clips, blue blood leaking from multiple wounds on the beast’s body and it still kept coming. A thrill of nerves shot through Jarvis at the realization which he quickly swallowed down, only to have it made a reappearance as glowing blue tentacles unfurled from somewhere on it’s back, reaching for them as Ultron closed in.

“Oh hell no!” Tony exclaimed, both switching with a gesture from ballistics to repulsor technology before opening fire once more on the beast. Thick globs of blood mixed with chunks of flesh fell into the ocean, and still Ultron kept coming, “Push it back, Jay! Push it back!”

But blue eyes widened as the tentacles suddenly shot out, wrapping around their extended arm even as the repulsor blasts kept coming. The moment the slimy appendage made contact with the metal a shock went through both of them from within the drift itself, the silence turning into a chaos of noise, foreign images, and the huge infinite space of a mind so many times larger than their own that both pilots instinctively shied away from the presence. It felt as if something were tearing them apart from the inside out, ripping the connection to shreds as physical pain shot through them both. Neither could distinguish which screams belongs to whom, who owned the memories and images that flashed like to-hot lightning through both their minds. In an act of pure desperation Tony latched on to one in a last-ditch attempt to escape the pain, but Jarvis was much more preoccupied with what he had latched on to.

They were intelligent. Somehow, he knew it as a concrete fact, a scrap of knowledge that had been conveyed not by image or sound or feeling, just a pure knowing.

Even now, the monstrous thing knew what it was doing. It was consciously acting, planning, scheming and killing countless humans. They all were; Ultron, Whiplash, even all the way down to the one that had made his life a living hell...

Jarvis knew it for a fact, so much more concretely than he could ever remember knowing anything he was not able to see with his own eyes. And somehow it was so much worse.

It was happening again. The rage, the hatred was boiling over until nothing was left.


	8. Final Bow

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.  
\--Eleanor Roosevelt

* * *

Something was different this time. Before his rage towards the Kaiju had been white-hot, uncontrollable, burning up every scrap of sense he had until only the urge to rip apart the beast in front of him was left. But this time it chose a different target through the thick haze of memories, pain and mental anguish: the Kaiju’s presence in his mind. It was an utter sense of wrongness, something foreign and terrible that never should exist forcing it’s way into his mind, into the connection between he and Tony.

And through it all scraps of Tony’s memories, of the RABIT he was desperately chasing in his own minds attempt to protect itself.

Tony as a small boy, a tall, imposing figure of a man seeming to tower over him.

Tony, slightly older now, his father less able to intimidate and scare with sheer size alone.

A teenager now, taller than his older man and finally able to hit back when the man raised his fist against him. The first time he did the blood in his mouth that followed tasted like victory.

But even those traces were drowned out by the cacophony of anger and hatred inside of him, until finally the Kaiju’s presence in his mind was burnt up right along with it.  
He heard the beast screeching both inside his mind and out, just able to focus enough through the blinding headache and pain behind his left eye to raise his arm and fire once, twice, three times and it was forced to release his grip. Tony gasped beside him as he was forced back to the present, his mind left dazed and confused. Even still Jarvis kept firing until nothing was left in the arms energy cell, and by then Tony was coherent enough to reach up and press the sequence of buttons he wanted, “Hang on, I got this!”

“UNIBEAM CHARGING SEQUENCE ACTIVATED.”

CARTER’s voice cut through the sirens and chaos inside the cockpit, Tony glancing over to Jarvis with an exhausted but hopeful grin. Jarvis looked surprised, even he would not have been able to think of that last-ditch option, before lowering his arm as the nuclear reactor in their Jaeger’s chest began to glow.

Ultron cried out in rage as it’s remaining tentacles retracted into it’s back once more, some oozing blue blood. It gave no mind to the quickly increasing bright blue light emanating from it’s prey’s chest, nor the high pitched whine of a nuclear reactor powering up. It rushed forward, claw outstretched, only to be met mere seconds later with a hot burst of concentrated energy that tore its flesh to bits upon contact. The force of the blast knocked the Jaeger back several paces, both pilots stumbling to maintain balance as huge waves formed in the wake of the blast, the bright light blinding them for a few moments.

And when it faded the Kaiju still stood, a gaping bloody hole shot right through it’s chest and out the other side. It gave a gurgling hiss, blood dripping from it’s mouth and no doubt filling it’s throat, before crashing down into the depths of the ocean with a great shaking rumble.

“...Alight, Good job there, with the--y’know, forcing it out and all.” was Tony’s poor attempt to fill the silence that had encompassed the cockpit.

“Yes...that unibeam was brilliant.” Jarvis responded, half bent over with exhaustion.

“Y’know, let’s sleep in tomorrow. Skip breakfast, maybe even lunch, just sleep for a while.”

The pair broke down into laughter after that, simply with the heady knowledge they were still alive, somehow, to do so.

* * *

 

The endless battery of tests came after that, when all three teams were brought back to shore. Steve and Bucky were worse off, undoubtedly; Bucky still passed out when Tony and Jarvis walked in (Tony had simply refused to be wheeled in one the stretcher they provided, instead the pair leaning on each other for support). But the doctor talking to a straight-backed and stoic Steve looked hopeful. They both took some comfort in that.

Officers Coulson and Rhodes both stood a decent distance away, talking to a stressed but still stable Natasha and Clint in hushed tones with a half amazed, half horrified look in their eyes. None of the group noticed the final members of their little army come in, and no son of a Stark could have that.

“Hey, no groveling needed, we just saved the day again. But good job, go team!” Tony’s voice silenced whatever conversation the small group was having in the corner, Rhodey immediately striding forward to wrap his arms around his friend and Jarvis both.

“What the hell happened? It was all sirens and errors on our end; we didn’t even know you’d made it until the thing was dead and even then--” Rhodey started babbling in a sudden rush of nerves but once again Tony cut him off before he really got into it.

“Yeah, yeah, it was no big deal--we just got our brains broken into by a Kaiju, we’re fine.” he waved Rhodey’s concerns away with his typical flippant air.

“Why don’t you two take a seat over on those beds and I decide that for myself, hm?” Dr. Banner’s calm voice broke through the din of chatter as Clint and Natasha approached hand-in-hand.

“Woah, you know that doctorate doesn’t automatically make you a medical doctor, right?” Tony said skeptically, causing Bruce to smile.

“Yes, I realize, but I did briefly get to go to medical school before switching to K-Science. And it’s a bit of an ‘all hands on deck kind of situation thanks to you two...Jarvis? Are you feeling alright?”

Jarvis felt his heart skip a beat, Bruce suddenly addressing him having startled him. He scrambled for a few moments to form a coherent reply, the headache still pounding away inside his head and a shaking he hadn’t noticed before suddenly becoming painfully obvious.

“Um, yes, I-i’m alright--” But Tony saved him from the trouble of having to stumble through that sentence any more than he had to, grasping his hand tightly and pulling him towards the beds.

“Come on Jay, let’s get you checked out.”

Tony only dropped his hand once through the entire process.

In the end everything was as alright as anyone had dared hope for; Jarvis was diagnosed with symptoms of moderate neural overload (the change in color to his left eye, from light blue to a reddish brown, was a permanent side effect of that. Jarvis was displeased regardless of how ‘cool’ Tony swore it looked) and Tony coming out basically unscatched. Bucky was in a slightly worse boat after he finally woke up, none of the doctors really able to say for sure what the future would hold for him but for the moment the fact he was awake at all was something to hope for. When Thor rushed in, back only moments from his salvage mission to bring up Ultron’s remains from the bottom of the ocean, the bone-crushing bear hugs were inescapable, only Dr. Banner able to reassure the blonde giant of a man everyone would really make a full recovery.

Jarvis watched with a smile as he lay in his crisp white linen bed as Thor approached Bucky for yet another embrace, the feeling of Tony’s thumb stroking the back of his hand a curious sort of comfort.

* * *

Ultron’s remains were left out in the shipyard, the darkening night sky chasing Dr. Odinson and his salvage team inside, with the entire surrounding area wrapped in yellow tape. A pale hand ripped through it with ease, ignoring the blue blood soaking into the concrete of the ground and the leather of his boots, and approached the body. The plastic tarp covering it was discarded as well, and the pale skin of that hand turned an icy blue as fingers neared the destroyed Kaiju flesh.

Loki smiled as he felt the rough, torn flesh under his hand, paying no mind to his own skin turning a deeper shade of blue by degrees from the point of contact.

“Such high hopes for you. A pity, really.” he clicked his tongue in reproach for the dead creature before him, between one blink and the next his green eyes turning solid red and another pair blinking open just below the original two.

He let his hand stroke across the rapidly cooling corpse of the beast as it’s body seemed to burn up from where his hand touched, Loki’s own veins pulsing an electric blue light as the creature and he were made one.

“But not to worry, your sacrifice will not be in vain, brother. We have learned much from you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in part two of the Clockwork series.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to give feedback! Comments are appreciated. This was written for Brilcrist's Pacific Rim AU contest. We hope you stick around for the rest.  
> For questions, comments, etc. the authors' tumblrs are  
> -[wintermoons](http://wintermoons.tumblr.com/)  
> -[libertybell](http://libertybell.tumblr.com/)


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